Jimmy's Brace 01

Jimmy's Brace - 01

The picture in front of me swam in and out of focus. I held the frame in a death grip, my knuckles white. The back of my neck started to heat up, and I felt the bile rising up in my throat. I stumbled to the table, desperate to put the picture somewhere safe. My vision dimmed as I thrust it on the table. I turned hastily as the vomit spewed out of me. I remember the sticky, wet feeling on the side of my face. Then all was black.

The aluminum staff flashed through the air around me as I carefully stepped through the form, my naked torso glistening with sweat in the hot summer sun. I’d taken Karate for quite a few years and although we had just moved I continued practicing. I loved the Bo. I finished up the form and safed my Bo when a voice startled me.

“Dude, that looked awesome, I love the way your stick flashed in the sunlight.”

Turning sharply I saw a green-eyed, mousey-haired kid, with one of the biggest grins I’ve ever seen, staring at me over the fence. His face was scrunched up with the effort of holding himself up to see into my backyard.

“It’s called a Bo, not a stick.” I told him somewhat disgustedly.

He tilted his head to the side, rolled his eyes up, and stuck the tip of his tongue out of the side of his mouth. I later learned this is what he does when he wants to commit something to memory.

“Oh,” He said “makes sense that it wouldn’t be just a stick, thanks for telling me.”

“No problem. Now get off the fence before you bust a vessel.” By now his face was beat red from the exertion of holding himself there.

“I’m OK, and I’d really like to watch you do another one” he said excitedly.

Usually I don’t like people watching, for me it was a Zen thing, I love being alone when I work the Bo, it always helps me clear my mind. I don’t even compete in tournaments. But I could see the interest pouring out of him and his grin was infectious. Before my brain could react my mouth was speaking.

“All right then, but hop down from there and come around so I don’t have to call an ambulance when you have a heart attack.”

“Cool!”

I heard a thump as he landed on the ground, then the pounding of feet, and his face appeared again. This time he pulled himself up over the fence, dropped down and sat there with that big grin.

I shrugged my shoulders and tried to pretend he wasn’t there and worked my way through a few more forms. Exhausted and thirsty I sat down with a bottle of water and started to chat with my new neighbor.

“I’m Jimmy” he said holding out a fist.

“Brace” I said knocking his knuckles with mine.

“For what?”

“No, that’s my name.” and I gave him a look that suggested he might not want to make any of the dozens of stupid comments I’ve head. And smart kid he picked it up.

“Oh, cool name, I guess you’ve taken some shit about it huh?”

“Yeah, a few times, but most people don’t mess with me much.”

It’s not that I’m huge or mean or anything like that, I guess I give off a “don’t fuck with me” attitude. Many times I’ve seen someone open their mouths to say something only to rapidly close it and gulp when I give them the look. I tend to be a loner most of the time, I like people, it’s just that I don’t want to feel obligated to be around them all the time. I like my space.

That’s why that afternoon was so weird. Jimmy started talking to me and the next thing I knew….

“Brace!” my mother yelled as she stepped out onto the back deck. “30 min until dinner.”

I looked around me surprised, where had the afternoon gone? Jimmy and I had been talking and laughing for the last 3 hours. We had talked about everything, where we had come from, where we thought we were going and what we planned on doing here.

My mom gave me a funny but excited look, she knew I was a loner and was always trying to find a way to get me more involved socially.

She stepped out and started to say hi when we heard someone calling for Jimmy. It was Jimmy’s mom; he yelled that he was over here. When she stepped up to the fence to tell him about dinner my mom latched onto her and soon they were talking like old friends.

“Come on,” I said “I’ll show you the house, looks like they might be awhile.”

My mom heard me and gave me a look.

“Go on and show him the house, I’ll let you know when we are done.”

I took him to the basement first, that’s where we had our family room, complete with pool table and big screen TV. After a couple of games of pool where I trounced him mightily, I showed Jimmy the rest of the house and we ended up in my bedroom.

“Hey you can see my room from here.” He said with an evil grin. “Now I’ll know everything you do.”

“Oh great! Just what I need a peeping tom for a neighbor.” I laughed socking him in the shoulder.

“Ow, I was just kidding.” He laughed.

We joked around a bit more, played video games for awhile, and then my mom called me down to dinner.

“Guess you gotta jet dude, I’ll show you out.”

We ran downstairs, when I saw the dining room I slammed to a stop causing Jimmy to run into my back.

“Dude signal when you’re going to brake. I almost broke my nose.” He laughed.

My whole family and what could only be Jimmy’s family were already down there. With my 2 brothers and 2 sisters, his 3 sisters and brother and our parents the place was crowded. There were 6 boxes of pizza on the table and everyone was talking and laughing.

That night as I lay in bed I couldn’t help thinking about the day I had just had. I couldn’t believe that I’d only been here a week and for the first time in my life I had a best friend. That is what Jimmy is right? And to top it off it looks like our families are going to be best of friends also. I drifted off with a smile on my face.

That summer flew by. Jimmy’s 14^th birthday was on the 4^th of July we camped out in his backyard, staying up late and watching the fireworks. School started in late August and with Jimmy as a friend it was the best time I’ve ever had in school.

Sometime during that year puberty hit Jimmy with a vengeance. He grew 6” and probably gained 15 pounds, none of it fat. I remember sometime that spring thinking he was gorgeous. And that’s when things started to go wrong. I wasn’t gay. No way in hell. So I took that thought and any others I had and pushed them way to the back of my head and walled them off. And it worked. For a while anyway.

Summertime rolled around and with it came Jimmy’s birthday on the 4^th, we’d already decided we were going to have a yearly campout on that day. Unfortunately for us that day a rainstorm moved in with a vengeance and from the looks of it, it wasn’t going to leave anytime soon. We decided to hell with it. We were going to sleep out anyway. The tent would keep the rain out anyway. We laid there talking for hours, at some point I brought up the last 4^th of July and how bummed I was that there weren’t any fireworks that year.

“I don’t care,” said Jimmy “I’m having a great time with the person I like the most in the world.”

How sappy was that? But before I could come up with something to say to tease him I heard myself saying.

“I like you too.”

Our 2 man tent didn’t leave a lot of space between us and before I could assimilate what he was doing Jimmy’s lips touched mine. And without any thinking on my part I returned his kiss. Deeply. Passionately. When my brain caught up with where I was and what I was doing I recoiled in horror.

“What’s wrong?” he asked.

I could barely speak, but managed to whisper.

“I’m not”

“You’re not what?”

“I can’t be”

“Dude you’re scaring me, what’s going on?” he asked as he moved closer and made to put an arm over me.

“I’M NOT GAY!” I shouted and pushed him violently away.

I watched as his eyes changed from concerned to shock to despair as the ramifications of what I had said and done hit him.

I couldn’t bear to look at him anymore and I took off frantically. I had to get away. I ran home in the rain. By the time I got to my room I was soaked. I was beyond caring I sat by my window crying and staring out at the rain.

I saw Jimmy’s light come on and watched as he dragged himself in. He came over to his window and sat there staring at me. We sat like that for a long time; finally he raised his hand and placed it on the window. I could see the longing in his eyes; he wanted me to do something to show him we were going to be ok. I couldn’t do it. I sat there unmoving until finally I saw jimmy shuddering, he lowered his hand slowly, then his head and went to his bed. I watched him cry until I couldn’t stand it anymore and went to my own bed, crying harder than I had ever cried in my life. I was miserable. I had just pushed away the best friend I’d ever had.

Constructive criticism and comments gladly accepted. Please email me at yaalc@yahoo.com.

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