Bonds of Blood and Tears

By Ryan ; Edited by Erin

Chapter 1

The rain had only been falling for a few minutes, but already Jeff Slattery was soaked to the bone. The chill settled into his body, making his bruises hurt even more. The sky had been clear when he had left school, but a freak rainstorm had come up quickly out of nowhere and caught him out in the open. Normally, these storms would move off as quickly as they had formed, but this one did not look like it was leaving anytime soon. His too-small, flimsy rain jacket did little to keep him dry, and the holes in his shoes allowed the quickly pooling water to soak his socks and feet. His normally spiky black hair was plastered to his head, rain running down the back of his neck and dripping down his shirt. Jeff held his book bag to his chest. If the books inside were ruined, his mom would get really mad.

Jeff shivered, causing a new spasm of pain to run through his body. Gritting his teeth against the pain, he swiped the back of his left hand across his nose with a sniffle. Another five miles of this… I should take the jacket off and wrap it around my book bag. With that thought Jeff slipped out of his rain jacket and draped it over his book bag, shivering as what little part of him that had been dry was soaked in a matter of moments by the ice-cold rain.

As Jeff trudged along the side of the rural Eastern Washington road, his mind drifted with envy to his younger brother. Jeff was sixteen and his brother Thomas was thirteen, so they were in different schools. Thomas would be able to get a ride home from school after soccer practice. I wish I was still allowed to play soccer. I miss the guys, but Mom won’t ever let me play again. Jeff sighed in frustration. I can’t even get a ride home anymore. She thinks I’m up to something if she sees me with any of my old friends. God, I miss them. He sniffled as rain ran down his face. At least, he told himself it was the rain.

An old, beat-up Ford pickup pulled alongside Jeff. The passenger side window rolled down and the driver leaned over.

"Need a ride, son? Hop in; I'll drop you off. Your place is on my way," shouted the white-haired old farmer over the roar of the engine, a warm grin splitting his pockmarked and unshaven face. The smile extended to his light brown eyes behind his wire-rimmed glasses.

Jeff glanced over and despite himself was forced to smile when he saw that it was old Mr. Clark from down the street. The old guy had always been a grandfatherly figure in Jeff's life, and his wife treated Jeff like a grandson. After Jeff's father had been killed by a drunk driver when Jeff was twelve, Mr. Clark had tried to be a role model for Jeff, to give him the guidance he would have normally gotten from a father.

Jeff had spent many summers mowing their lawn and getting cool glasses of iced tea and a five dollar bill for his work, but the real payment was sitting on the porch with them and just listening to the stories of their lives. Mr. Clark had been a Marine and engineer in the Pacific during World War II, and after the war had traveled the world with his wife working on dams and irrigation projects in countries Jeff had never even heard of in school. The people they had met and the ways of life they had described had always seemed so wondrous to the young boy, giving him dreams of one day seeing the world and experiencing a few adventures of his own. But that all ended six weeks ago, when his whole life changed. A moment of absolute joy had been followed by six weeks of hell and punishment… to be followed by a lifetime of the same if his mother had her way.

Jeff shook his head at Mr. Clark. "Thanks, but my mom thinks it’s good for me to walk home these days. I don’t think she would be happy if I got you to give me a ride."

Mr. Clark reached over and popped the passenger door open. "Don’t be silly, son; walking home is good for you, but not in this rain. You’re going to come down with something, so hop in. Besides, I could use the company – the radio has gone out on this old rust bucket. You'd be doing this old man a favor." The last part was delivered with a wink and a sparkle in the eyes.

Maybe Mom won’t mind because it’s Mr. Clark… she can’t think I’ve been up to anything if he's the one giving me a ride, Jeff thought to himself as he dropped his sodden book bag onto the truck's floorboards and climbed into the passenger seat, shutting the door behind him. Mr. Clark smiled, pulled back onto the road, and continued on down the street.

The two rode in silence. Jeff was too tired and worried to say anything. Mom must not have told him what happened – if she had, he never would have even stopped. Mr. Clark glanced at Jeff from time to time, but kept whatever thoughts he had to himself, respecting Jeff’s unspoken wish to not be bothered.

The pickup soon pulled to the curb in front of Jeff's house, with its small lawn and hydrangea bushes. The rain still poured out of the sky as if attempting to wash everything away. Jeff opened his door and began to climb out, but Mr. Clark put a hand on his shoulder.

"Jeff, don’t be a stranger. Mary misses you, and you and I have a Risk game to finish. You can’t save yourself by stalling. I'm just about to figure a way out of the trap you set for me."

"Thanks for the ride, Mr. Clark… and I'll see if I can come by in a few days." A faint smile touched Jeff's lips as he replied. "And there is no way you’re getting out of that trap. I have you totally boxed in." Jeff slipped out of the car, pulled his book bag tight to his chest and made a dash for the house.

Jeff reached the front door just as the storm slackened and the rain began to let up. Well, that fits. It’s how everything has gone in my life since… since… better not to think about it.

The door wrenched open out of Jeff's hand, and his mother stood in the doorway; her dark brown eyes flashed anger, her cheeks flamed bright red and her eyes narrowed in suspicion. She grabbed Jeff by the shoulder and yanked him in, slamming the door shut and pushing her son down the entry hall.

"Who was that? What have I told you? You’re not to be hanging out with any of them any more… I can’t have people finding out. I won’t have you shaming me." Her voice pitched higher and louder the further away from the door she pushed him.

"Sorry, mom; it was just Mr. Clark. He saw me walking home and offered me a ride," Jeff answered, keeping his feet moving so that he wouldn’t fall over.

Linda Slattery shoved her son into the kitchen, then grabbed him and turned him to face her. "You should have told him no. I told you that you needed to walk home from now on. Mr. Clark is a nice man – I won’t have you spreading your sin to him too."

The numbness the rain had pounded into his body must have reached his mind, because Jeff never would have consciously said what fell out of his mouth.

"It's raining, I was cold, I DIDN’T DO ANYTHING WRONG! I…"Jeff was cut off as his mother’s hand flew through the air and slapped him across the face, filling the room with a loud crack. Jeff didn’t react. He had become used to this. His mother was much stronger than she looked, but the slaps happened so often that he had learned how to take them. She hardly ever broke the skin anymore.

"How dare you talk back to me? For that, you will not be having dinner again tonight. You should have walked in the rain. It is part of God’s punishment; the penance you have to pay for being a sinner. The rain might have washed away the evil inside of you," his mother spat at him, glaring with barely contained rage.

Jeff's shoulders slumped and he hung his head, staring at the ground. "But – Mom, I…" The hand flew through the air again and a closed fist hit Jeff in the side of the head, knocking him sideways and into the fridge.

"Do I need to give you another lesson? Do I need to show you what happens to sinners like you? I know it’s not only your fault; if that other boy hadn’t seduced you, you might not have strayed. But you did and you have to pay the penance and suffer for your sins. God only knows what the two of you had been doing and for how long before I found out and put a stop to it."

"All we did was…" A third fist hit Jeff in the stomach, making him double over gasping for breath.
"I don’t want to hear about it! Perversion like that should never be spoken out loud; it only invites more. I'm just glad I found out before anyone else did. The shame you would have caused me and your brother… I still don’t understand how you could be so selfish not to think of that. But again, it's not fully your fault. It was that David boy who drew you into sin."

Standing up straight and looking right at his mother, Jeff blinked back tears. "He didn’t seduce me or draw me into anything! Why can’t you…" This time the slap across the face caught Jeff off guard, making him rock back on his feet. A trickle of blood ran from the corner of his mouth down his cheek and onto his chin.

"Silence! I won’t have you speaking lies to me in my own home. His whole family is full of sinners! When I told his mother what I had found you two doing, they didn’t seem to understand. They seemed to think that you and he had done nothing wrong. They even said I should not overreact… as if that were possible! That is why I never want you to ever see that boy again." She placed her hands on her hips and glared at Jeff. "I think you should show some gratitude that I am doing all of this for you, especially after all the trouble I had to go though to transfer you from that public school with him in it and get into St. Kathryn’s. I’m doing all this for you, even after you risked embarrassing me and shaming me in front of the whole town!"

Jeff used his tongue to feel along his teeth where his mother had hit him. One tooth was clearly loose and would be out by tonight. He used his left hand to wipe away the little trail of blood from his chin before it could drip. His mother would be angry at him if he let the blood stain the shirt.

"…say it Jeff, say it and then you can go to your room and do your homework."
Jeff had not heard the last part of his mother’s rant, but he had become so familiar with it that he already knew what it was she wanted him to say. It was the same thing she made him say every morning before school at least a dozen times, what she woke him up in the middle of the night for and beat him if he didn’t give the answer fast enough. It was the same thing she forced him to say every day he came home from school.

Sighing, Jeff closed his eyes, holding back tears, and lowered his head. "I'm not gay: I do not have feelings for other males. I'm not gay: I am not going to be a sinner. I'm not gay: I was wrong and I will change."

"Good, very good. In time, we will fix you. Now off to your room. Remember to keep your door open. We don’t want you to have any temptation to do anything sinful with yourself," replied his mother, a smile spreading across her face.

"Yes, mom," Jeff mumbled as he picked up his book bag and shuffled off to his room. He tuned out the sound of his mother moving around the kitchen, getting dinner ready for her and his brother Thomas. Dropping his bag on the floor, Jeff tossed himself onto his bed and began to sob silently, knowing that if his mother heard him she would punish him again. His body shook as wave after wave of despair washed over him, every bruise and joint crying out in pain. Jeff ignored the rumbling of his stomach as he drifted off to sleep, praying that at least his dreams wouldn’t be as bad as life.