Can You Catch My Heart

Book One

Buckets Of Blessings

Chapter Eleven

By

Retta Michaels

Disclaimer:

If your laws do not allow you to read this story, then don't. All the rest of you people who read it, if you think it's true, boy, have I investment opportunities for you!

Notes From Retta:

I really appreciate the emails everyone has sent. They mean a lot to me. I am excited a story such as this has garnered such a following. Starting in April, I'll be posting the first chapter of “Dead Air” and alternating with the first chapter of “Chains of Love” since they follow the same story line.

I will save “Prayers of Thanks” until the end. The love story is so beautiful, I think it needs it's own release.

Be sure to look for my new story “With This Ring” starting in April.

Read and enjoy.

Chapter 11:

The sun was just coming up when I got the last article loaded. Ben loaded the bodies and what was interesting was Ben was backing out of the yard when the first neighbor materialized and asked what happened.

“The man went berserk, killed a son, and beat his other son and wife ruthlessly. Then, he had a heart attack.”

“The raised eyebrows of the neighbors believed every syllable. One person who looked familiar walked away muttering, “I knew it would come to this.”

I went over and closed the door. The splintered frame needed repaired, but not by me. I went over and put the truck into gear. I flipped the phone open and dialed as I drove. He answered

I said, “Where you at?”

“His mom is in the hospital and he's here with me”

“Where are you at?”

“We just pulled up to the house.”

“Tell him I need to speak with him, but there's no time. Ask him if the name “Buddy” rings a bell and ask him if a house on Paris Avenue that was gray tar paper brick reminds him of a memory.”

Ty asked the question and said, “Lance?”

“Yeah.”

“He's curled up in a little ball crying.”

“Tell him it's ok that his dad's not going to get him.”

I heard Ty tell him and Chance mutter back, “He wasn't my dad. The man at that house Lance referred to was my dad.”

“Yeah, tell him Buddy won't bother him anymore. Tell him I'm his cousin.”

“What!”

“Yeah, Chance's real dad was my uncle.”

“Oh my God!”

“Yeah.”

“What about Chance's dad? Is he in jail?”

“No, he died of a heart attack. His brother committed suicide while strapped on the gurney.”

“How!”

“He cut through his femoral artery with that knife he tried killing you with.”

“Serves that fucker right.”

“Well, both are going to be cremated. I want them both to burn.”

Ty stopped and said, “Lance, what we're doing isn't right. Let's let Chance make that decision.”

“Ok, but tell him it doesn't matter which he decides because the feds are taking care of it.”

“How?”

“They were arrested by Ben on federal charges.”

“Were they really?”

“I don't know. I was downstairs packing up Chance's room and one time I saw Ben in holding his law book standing over the body like he was reading last rites or some sort of thing so he could have read the charges to him;.”

Ty chuckled ands aid, “Babe, I love you. Promise me tonight I'll get to sleep with you?”

“I promise.”

“Good.”

When I got to the funeral home, I pulled the flower truck up to the side of the garage and backed in. One thing I hate is trying to look at mirrors as I back up. Either things are too close or they're too far apart. This time. The truck jarred to a stop and I saw the eave trough dented flat. Who would of thought that thing would be so low? I was looking at the wall and still had plenty of space. Oh well, a call to seamless guttering and it'd get taken care of if I couldn't get up there with a four by six to pound it out.”

When I went in, I heard voices everywhere and not one of them were in the garage concerned about a body or two laying around. I called Gregg in and as soon as he came in, he took a look at the bodies and said, “They just left them here!”

“Well yeah, they were in a hurry.”

 

“Oh man, we've been having people coming by for an early viewing by people on their way to work.”

“I knew I needed to put in a drive thru window.”

“No, mom wouldn't have liked that.”

“She didn't do drive thrus?”

“No, she was strictly a sit down sort of person.”

“Oh, well, she's getting that now.”

He smiled and said, “Even if a few extra dead bodies decided to show up and crash her funeral.”

“Yeah, we've got to get these things downstairs.”

“How'd things go over there?”

“It was a mess. I need to have you look at my elbow later, but right now I've got to get these bodies moved. And see if the one's are put away in the basement.”

“How bad do you mean things were messed up.”

'Well, this time, Heather did show up in time to be of help. I had the dad laying out in the front yard and Glad disabled in the hallway. I told Ty to watch the dad while I went to find Chance.

Sometime, Ty went in and the dad and the brother got loose. Heather put the dad back out in the front yard and I took the brother down and was about to take him out when Chance told me no. Then after Chance talked with the brother, he got told some really hateful stuff and then Chance ok'd taking the brother out. By then, I was ready for him to be arrested so we strapped him to a gurney while Chance and the mom got taken to the hospital Then, the dad came and we had words when he found out I knew who his lover was.”

“Who? What lover?”

“The father's.”

“Huh?”

“Yeah, ancient history. It turns out my uncle was the dad's lover.”

“Oh man!”

“Yeah, but the one that will blow everyone out of the water is Chance is my cousin.”

“WHAT!”

“Yeah, I had a cousin that disappeared and for the life of me, I never knew where he went. What I always supposed was he got put in foster care. Maybe I'm putting one and one together and getting something wrong, but when I asked him about it, he said he was”

“Oh man, what a heckuva thing!”

“Yeah, who would want to be that!”

“No, You know what I mean ya goof! I mean what are the odds of you and your cousin being gay and having the same tastes in guys. Both of you wanted Ty!”

“Well, it just proves we've got good tastes.”

“Sorry Charley! Gregg wants Tuna that tastes good!”

“Ooh, I'm telling!”

“Don't you dare!”

“Love ya Gregg! You're still my bro even in my house is filling with family today.”

“Well, it's good because you're world's coming together and it couldn't happen to a better person.”

“Thanks.”

“Wow, Look at this mess down here!”

“Yeah, Ty was in a hurry.”

“Yeah, but I hope he can make sense out of this mess.”

“He will.”

“Hon, you have no clue how blond your brother is, do you?”

“What'd he do now?”

“You know how we refer to the bodies as Jane Doe and John Doe?”

“Yeah, and occasionally, I'll see a Mary Jane Doe”

“Well, he thought those were the people's actual names. Then, when the plane landed, there's a guy on the plane that Chance is going to meet who was hot for both Chance and Ty.”

“Oh, he likes twinks.”

“Yeah, but Ty asked him his name after he notice one of the body's was John Doe and remarked it was another member of the family.”

“Oh man!”

“Yeah, so Ty asked Jim his name and Jim said, “Jim, Jim Doe”!”

“And, don't tell me Ty walked into that one.”

“Deep ended he did!”

“Oh man just like the Nestea plunge.”

“Jim laughed and said basicly that the lights were off so nobody must be home.” Finally. After a while, Ty caught on.”

“My brother! What we need to do sometime is get those name tags and put everyone in the family as having the our first name and then the last name Doe!”

“Yeah, that'd be funny.”

“Yeah, Ty wouldn't think it would be funny but we would.”

“No, what he'd do is he'd get even and get me a Pillsbury dough boy and tell me he likes my doe nuts.”

“Let's do that at your wedding. We'd have everyone put on the name tags and get the preacher to announce you Mr and Mr Doe.”

“He'd die of embarrassment.”

“Yeah, but it'd be good for the rehearsal.”

“I'm not sure if I can wait that long.”

“Well, we'll find you a police officer's uniform and have you arresting him for his doe nuts.”

I laughed real loud and Mark came in.

“Mark, how are you today?”

“I'm ok, I was told you wanted to speak to me.”

“Yeah, it's about Jeremy.”

“Ok What about him?”

“Stay away from him. He's bad news.”

“In which way?”

“Let's just say he likes to pull wings of insects and things like that.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah, but we've got another prospect lined up if you're interested.”

“Really!”

“Yeah, I have no idea who the guy is, but I do know he's a helluva pilot. You should have seen that man fly a plane this morning.”

Both he and Gregg got told about how the guy landed the plane and Mark was all ears. I said, “When Chance gets here, have him call Jim and see what the pilot's name is and set you two up.”

“Ok, How's Chance doing?”

“It's going to be rough. He lost both his dad and his brother this morning.”

“Oh man, poor guy.”

“Yeah, I'm not sure if we're having a funeral, or what, but I do know it's just he and his mom now.”

Gregg's eyebrows shot up. Really!”

“Yeah, his mom was beaten up bad.”

“Oh man. What's she look like?”

“She looks like Chance. I thought she was him when she was laying on the floor getting beaten up.”

“You think she'd be interested in Dad?”

“I don't know. But we could see. Heather and Ty will have them with them, I'm sure.”

We got the bodies sorted by numbers and put them in the morgue in numerical order. I pulled the one that needed to go up to the crematorium and put it over into our short term morgue. Somewhere in all of my activities, I hadn't noticed that in order to have a viewing, you had to have a body. Yeah, I was in sore need of sleep, but to say I was startled when I looked for her casket in the short term morgue was unsettling.

Gregg noticed my reaction and said, “Bro, you need to get in and sleep. I imagine Ty does too, but the sleep deprivation is getting to you.”

“Yeah, but there's so much that needs to be done. Sometime, those television crews are going to show and we've got to go pull the tarps off the sidewalks.”

Mark said, “Let me go get Jake and then Gregg and us will go get that done. Jake knows where everything else is and we'll need to do that. You can lay down for a short nap and then, you'll have that bit of rest.”

“Ok Everything else should be fine, but I need to order a bunch of food from the catering part of County Market.”

Gregg said, “Aunt Joan's already got that lined up.”

“Ok, then, what else needs done?”

“Nothing. Everyone else is pulling together.”

“Good. Then, I'll go lay down.”

I went in and laid down. No sooner had I gotten my eyes closed, my cellphone went off. I woke and answered it to find it was Chance calling.

“Hi hon”

“Lance, tell them to come back and get me.”

“Where you at?”

“They kept me at the hospital for observation.”

“And, where'd they go?”

“They are going back to the funeral home.”

“Where's your mom?”

“She's with them.”

“They left you by yourself?”

“Yeah, I don't want to be here.”

“Chance, I'll be right there. Stay put.”

I got up and when I stepped out into the hall, I saw Joan. She said, “Hon, you need to get sleep.”

“Them dumb asses left Chance at the hospital by himself.”

“They said he was supposed to be admitted for observation.”

“And, how would you feel if you were suddenly left alone after everything he's been through. He wants to come home. I'm going to get him.”

“Lance, Don't.”

“What!”

“Honey, he needs to be there. They can't figure out where the blood was coming from.”

“What sort of hospital cant figure out where blood comes from!”

“No, they don't know if he has a torn trachea or if it's a bronchial tube, but something is bleeding there and the doctor can't tell without putting a scope down. They're going to do that just as soon as a doctor can get to him.”

“Then, someone should have stayed with him. I'll go.”

“You need sleep. How about if someone here in the family goes and they get him to stay.”

“Ok, but explain that to him. He feels all alone.”

“I know.”

“And Joan, tell them he needs rest just as bad as the rest of us if not more.”

She took a look at me and said, “Take off your suit jacket.”

“Why?”

“Why weren't you checked out by a doctor?”

“Hon, there wasn't time.”

“Oh bull. That elbow looks terrible what happened to it?”

“It got hit with a baseball bat.”

“Oh my! Is it broken?”

“No, bruised as all get out, but not broken.”

“Ok, come in here and I'll put ice on it. You need to change out of that outfit anyways because there's blood all over it and you really need a shower. You're smelling the place up good.”

“Thanks, but if I go take a shower, I'll fall asleep. What I'd die for right now is a sit down in a jacuzzi.”

“Wouldn't we all.”

“How about after we have the funeral, the family go to the Y and take over theirs!”

“That'd be wonderful, but it might be shut due to the weather.”

“Oh. It's a shame we don't know someone with a key.”

“I do hon. Ronnie will let me have it.”

“Then talk to him!”

She smiled and said, “The things I do for this family!”

I laughed and said, “Oh, I understand.”

She said, “Come in here and let me put some ice on that elbow. Now, you sit down and I want to hear what really went on over there.”

“We sat down and I said, You want the long version or the short.”

“I want the truth and I don't want some shuck and jive you'll give a stranger.”

“It's not nice.”

“Hon, sometimes justice isn't nice, but just the same it's justice and she wears a blindfold.”

I told her the story and the only question she asked was, “Did someone check that boy's pockets to be sure there was a pocket knife there?”

“I didn't”

“Well, in case inquiring minds want to know, you need to be sure there's one there. I do admit it was resourceful of him to know where his femoral artery was located.”

“Yeah, but stranger things have happened.”

“True, but everything worked for a good cause.”

“Do you know Chance's mom?”

“No, but I want to know the woman. Lord knows she's lived with the devil. She had to have wings.”

“True Gregg's interested if she's single.”

“It's entirely too soon.”

“True, but one way of healing is to share the burden of the pain.”

“Maybe, but two drunks staggering down the street could be sharing that burden or they could be two drunks staggering down the street.”

“Well, let's wait and see.”

“Ok”

Ty came into the office and I said, “What's going on?”

“We've got a lot to do, but someone's got to go back to the hospital to sit with Chance before he realizes he's alone!” he said with urgency in his voice.”

“Too late, I've already received the phone call to come get him.”

“You can't! They don't know where he's bleeding.”

“Well, why didn't one of you stay?”

“It took Heather and I both to handle the mother. She's a basket case.”

“What!”

“Emotionally, she's gone.”

“I understand. What have you done about her?”

“She wanted to go back home, so we dropped her off.”

“Tell me you didn't.”

“Yeah, we did.”

“Ty, get me my clothes. We'll be lucky if she's alive when we get over there.”

“Huh!”

“Yeah, let's see... your ship gets hit by a torpedo and your life raft gets strafed. Your best mate just got ate by sharks and you're alone in the water and nothing around you. Do you sink or do you swim?”

“Swim”

“Wrong. To someone who's just lost what they know, they choose to sink.”

“I didn't know!”

“You will in time. Let's hope she's over there and is more than what I've given her credit for.”

“I don't know how I'll explain this to Chance if I've caused this.”

“Hon, let's go, but don't do it ever again. Ok? Also, sometime today, you've got to call those people over there and get over to see them. They're going to think we left them high and dry on that funeral.”

“Ok, I sure don't know how you do it.”

“I manage and I've got good people around me now.”

“I've got the phone ringing.”

“Good keep her on the phone.”

“No one's answering.”

“Ty, she's going to be in shock. Look at how that house looked before we left and I basicly took a whole bedroom out of there.”

“even the water bed!”

“no, but the headboard and the dresser is in the flower truck.”

“How'd you carry it?”

“It's not hard if you take it apart and end over end the thing.”

“Ok, I'm glad you know these things.”

“huh- hello! Yeah, it's me Ty.”

“Good, I'm sorry we left you there by yourself. Yeah, Lance is worried and says you shouldn't be there by yourself.”

“Yeah, I know it's a mess, but you don't need to clean it up by yourself. Yeah, I've got a maid here that will be over. No, she's real great and trustworthy. Yeah, we'll be over there to get you. Get yourself a bath and then, we'll get back to the hospital because he's already called. Ok, just get your bath and we'll be there. Ok bye now.”

“Good take charge attitude, but bad news on that maid. I'm not sure our maid will want to do Crime Scene Cleanup and I couldn't even begin paying her what those people charge.”

“What do they make?”

“Oh my God...let's just say a lawyer makes less an hour than they make. Usually it starts out at like seven fifty an hour.”

“What!”

“Yeah, but for situations where someone's lost an arm or a leg or a head, then they're sure to charge the arm and a leg that's for sure...but some of what they do is totally gross hon. Those people deserve it.”

“I never thought of that. We could offer that service and put people in there that could do it.”

“Hon, it takes special equipment and lots of time and air masks.”

“Which you have.”

“We'd need a professional steam cleaner rug shampoo machine.”

“Ok, so that's an investment”

“Yeah and those on even the government auctions are expensive and worn out.”

“Then, let's get one that's better than good and a professional shopvac that can put things into trash bags.”

“Not just trash bags hon, but bio hazard bags which cost a lot more than others.”

“Ok, so we take them to the incinerator.”

“Or the crematorium....hmmm.....that might just work.”

He smiled and said, “We need to talk to our maid and see if she'd be interested in making some huge money!”

“Yeah, but this one's on us. I created the mess, so I need to pay for it.”

“Yeah, but you were sure in form over there. Even Heather said she was proud of how you handled it. She said she saw what you did and you used your skills to the best of your abilities.”

“True, but it's never fun. I'm thankful Chance saved me otherwise my head would have been creased with a ball bat.”

“Oh, I'm sorry. I should have stayed.”

“Yeah, if you'd been in that house when Ben got there doing his Dirty Harry routine, you could have easily been shot. You were told to stay outside.”

“I know. I learned a lesson.”

“Yeah, and if you'd been in that house when I was doing my clean up sweep, you'd been history.”

“Well, hopefully, that won't happen again.”

“I understand. What I can say is things work out for the best.”

“That's what Chance's mom kept saying.”

“True. The woman knew what living in hell was like, that's for sure. Did she explain how Chance came to being there?”

“No, she didn't, but Chance knows it wasn't his dad.”

“I know that. I told him.”

“What did he say?”

“It's not what he said. I told him what I remembered and he started really crying.”

“oh”

“Yeah, but what I need with you babe is for you to be there just as I would be for anyone in your family. I'm not saying to give him special treatment, I'm just saying be there for him.”

“I am hon. After being there in that house and after experiencing what I did, I know it wasn't all his fault. There was a lot of pain in that house.”

“Yeah, what's bad is I'm not sure who it was, but I'd say his dad was molested.”

“How do you know?”

“With my uncle, he told me at one point. I can't remember who it was a grandpa or an uncle, or maybe an uncle that molested by his grandpa, but it seems to me it's a chain thing. Where I am is I want the chain to break and a large part of that is telling you what happened and dissolving the secrets. I'm not saying this for a pity party, what I'm doing is getting this all out so there aren't any secrets and if some day in the future, there's something that doesn't look right to you, you can't front me on it.”

“I'll do that, but one thing I want you to do is to think to yourself, “Does this person love me and has he loved me like Ty does?” When you get that answer, then I'm sure you'll back away from a situation.”

“No, if I'm that far into thinking about it, then I'm too far in. It can't ever make it that far.”

“Hon, we're sexual beings. Heck, I look at people and think what they'd be like as a lover. It doesn't mean I act on it. What it means is I think it and then I make that decision to not pursue it. As sick as it seems, I've even thought about Chance again.”

“I understand. It changed things when you found out he had all those feelings for you and didn't know how to act on it correctly.”

“Yeah, and I know things between us will have the familiarity that he and I had together, but there's little bonds we have and I think of those and think, “Man, if he'd just known how to say it, we'd be together.”

“Yeah, that hurts doesn't it.”

“Yeah, yeah it does.”

He looked down and said, “But, what I'm thankful for is it took you to pull me out of my shell and to give me direction. Most people can't think about doing this job and ever enjoying it. For me, I think that's what I'm liking best is the fact that not everyone wants this job and not everyone is good at it like you are. Now, you're training me and what I like is you guide me in it and don't do it like someone with a riding crop.”

“I won't ever do that hon. What you'll see is if I mention it the first time...it's a mention. The second time is a question of, “Don't you think you need to?...but the third time is when I step in and say, “Since you're not going to do that, I'll go do this.”

“Ok, I know I've got to get over there with that family, but hon, there's no time!”

“There's time, we've got to make it. Right now, it's hard because we've got so many things pulling at us, but what you see is right now, I should be laying down, but I'm up making time thinking to myself, “I've got to take a nap, but I'll sleep tonight. “ What I wish is we had someone that was already trained here, or we were training that would do this.”

He nodded and said, “I think Chance will and I'm going to say something but Jake up there is at a turning point. You don't know it but I think Jake would follow you off a cliff just to get the directions of which way is down. You've done something to him that's turned him on and it's really neat.”

“I listened.”

“No, you listened and believed in him. Then, you acted. Believe me, he's had people listen to him.”

“Maybe, but hon, maybe it's position. I don't know.”

“What do you mean?”

“Ok, take a look at two similarities and then you'll see how people are psychologically. Situation one is you walk down a street and you sit at a bus stop. A bum comes along and says, “Go East Young Man, Go East.” You walk away and say, “what a wacko!”. Situation two is a man in a suite outside a thriving business come out and says, “Go East Young Man, Go East.” You walk away thinking, 'man that man must know something I don't know. I think I'll go east!”

He smiled and said, “I get what you mean. You're saying you didn't say anything none of us said, he's just seeing your position and thinking it makes a difference.”

“Yeah, and he saw someone in my position take the time to listen to him, and not be afraid to lift a jacket sleeve and get dirty. By the way, I've got to get in there and change this suit. I've got blood on it and I'm stinking to high get out.”

“You say you're stinking and everyone else is thinking you put on cologne extra heavy this morning. Me, I smell you and want to take that shower with you, you're turning me on so much.”

I smiled and said, “come on, let's make it a quickie and get this day going.”

“Can't, I've got to take his mom back by the hospital and then, I'm going to pop over by that family's house.”

“Good plan. By the time you get back, I'll have showered, changed and slept. Then, we've got to concentrate on getting some food around here.”

“Aunt Joan headed out to get some. She should be back.”

“Oh, ok. My stomach's telling me it's time to eat.”

“Your stomach doesn't know it's only supposed to eat three meals.”

“No, the way it goes is an average person is up sixteen hours at the longest. Most are up around fourteen. In that time period, they eat three meals. Me, I'm up around twenty to twenty two hours and I eat four meals. It's the same. Based upon time and I think I'm active enough to break it down. If I start getting pudgy let me know.”

 

“If your butt starts getting pudgy, I'll be getting a pudgy!” He winked.

“Why? You don't like my butt?”

“No, it's not that. It's that I have bruises from your hip bones.”

“Oh, sorry.”

“Don't worry, I still find you sexy as all get out, but I know when I'm making love to you, I've got to be more gentle.”

“No you don't. You've just got to not give yourself bruises.” I smiled.

“Yeah, you might like it, but I'll be gentle until the bruises heal.”

“Well, go get your do done and get home, I'll be here.”

He came over and gave me a kiss and then I went up to get a suit out and go take a shower. Then, I lay down for a quick nap.

When I got through taking my nap, I felt years younger. I went out through the funeral home and I saw a news camera sitting in the chapel plugged into an outlet. I unplugged it, picked it up, and then went to the front door. I took it out and set it out on the front sidewalk aiming at the front door. I looked through the viewfinder and saw it was black. I figured it must only work when it's got power.

When I got inside, Gregg was watching me and said, “I told them you'd be pissed. They said they had permission. I asked Ty and he said you hadn't spoken to anyone. I told the guy and he said it was there and if we wanted the service televised that was our option.”

“It's not my option, so which crew is it?”

“Channel Seven”

“I'll go call them and tell them to come get their equipment.”

I went to the office and looked up their number. I called and when the receptionist answered, I asked for the station manager. She said he wasn't available. I said, “Well, you've got a piece of sixty thousand dollar equipment that just got put out on the front sidewalk of my funeral home. I'd suggest he give me a call.”

“One moment sir, I'll patch you through.”

“Hello, This is Brook Daniels station manager.”

“Oh hello, Ms Daniels. This is Lance Green. You're slated to televise a funeral service from my funeral home this afternoon. I'm calling to notify you to tell you crew to come down and pick up the equipment. It's been placed on the front sidewalk.”

“What!”

“Yeah, First of all, no one bothered to ask. Second of all, no one bothered to check with the owner whether he wanted it. I was told. Third of all, I specifically told everyone to notify me if anyone showed up as I had an insurance waiver I wanted signed before any equipment got hook into my power grid. The man lied when he said he'd gotten permission because no one here has spoken to me, nor have they signed a waiver. So, your equipment is out front.”

“I'll have you know that's a sixty thousand dollar camera!”

“I'll have you know the security system in this funeral home is over two million. If a single flaw is detected in it, you'll get a bill. Good day.”

“Hold up, what sort of waiver do you want?”

“I want a waiver that says you come in and the camera gets set up at the back. No closer, only there. If the service is small, you can go forward with it with my permission, but I doubt that will happen. Then, you hook it to your own power source, not mine. I will not have a brown out affect the security of the body, or of the family in this funeral. If that's acceptable, then you come down and you get a different person here because this person does not enter my home. Is that understood.”

“We only have one technician.”

“Then, he can come down and pick up that camera from the sidewalk. As I said, Good Day.”

I hung up the phone and Ty was standing there smiling. The guy is standing out front cussing a blue streak with his cell phone in his hand.

I picked up the phone and called 9-1-1.

 

“Yes, we have someone here who is not wanted. His news station has been told to leave and he's now out in front causing a disturbance. Please come escort him from the premises.”

“We'll have someone right there sir.”

“I certainly hope so because I'd hate to make an announcement to the other new crew the police were slow about responding.”

I hung up and then went to the door. “The police have been notified, please leave.”

“You can't do this!”

“Yes, I can and I have.”

“I've spoken to the owner!”

“Oh really and what might his name be.?”

“Ummm Ummm” He took a look at the sign and said, “It's Mr. Green, Go get him. He'll tell you I spoke to him!”

I fished out my billfold and handed him my driver's license. “That motherfucker was your station's last option. Get off my property before the police get here. Tell you station manager she won't have the option of returning.”

“I'll....I'll.....She'll sue!”

“I'll sue your balls off if you fucked up my security system in there dude, now leave!”

I went back inside and I said, “Ty, be prepared for a lock down, we've got to test the system.”

He looked at me and smiled. “What happens if it's got a flaw?”

“IF it's got a flaw, the next phone call will be to the attorney.”

He went to the back and said, “Ok, give it a shot.”

I pressed the button and the shot rang out. The panel fell and a flower got crushed. “Who moved that fucking flower!”

“I don't know. They were the right way a moment ago!”

“Let me guess, before the dude arrived.”

“Yeah”

“Well, he'll pay for someone's arrangement”

I pushed the all clear button and began initiating unlocks. The panel lifted and Ty brought the card back. “It's the one from the church.”

“I'll speak to the pastor.”

He smiled and said, “I'll go check doors. They should all be unlocked, right?”

“Yeah.”

The woman who was the maid came downstairs and said, “Everything all right! I heard a gun shot!”

“It's fine. We were testing the security system.”

“You test it by firing a shotgun!”

“Yeah, sometimes it's a shotgun, other times, it's rifle or a machine gun.”

“Well show me the rooms where those are kept because I won't clean those.”

I smiled and said, “Some day, when I'm not here, have Ty show you the security system. I don't want to be shot.”

Gregg heard me and said, “You will be.”

“I don't know, I'm a fast runner.”

He laughed and said, “The police just pulled up out front. You didn't have that for live call did you?”

“No”

“Well, they're coming up to the door. It's unlocked, I checked.

 

“The police officer came in and said, “We had two calls the first one about removing someone from the premises and the second one said there was an armed intruder and shots fired.”

“No, we just tested the security system and it malfunctioned. I'll be calling my attorney, I'd like to have that man out there arrested for damaging my property.”

“What was damaged?”

“My security system.”

“How can I be sure it was damaged?”

“Well, here's how it goes, come in here. Ma'am come in and you'll see how I test the system. “

I yelled, “Everyone ready!”

Gregg said, “I am.”

And, I heard a series of “we're readys”.

I told the police officer, “If it's not malfunctioning, you shouldn't get a call. That keypad up there is the one that phones the station. This one is locked out, however, that man standing out there plugged that camera into that socket. I'll have it on video too.”

He nodded and I said, “You'll hear a gun shot. Don't draw your weapon, but that's what sets the alarm in motion and all the security locks this place down. The gunshot is recorded and I've not a clue which it will be.”

He nodded and the maid said, “That's what that sound was!”

I smiled.

“Man, that sounded real!”

“It is recordings of real gun shots.”

I pressed the button and a tommy gun let loose with a rip. The police officer grabbed his weapon and ducked. The panel fell and all the doors closed and locked.

I said, “That's what happens.”

He stood up and said, “Holy Cow! That thing is huge!”

“Thanks, it's eight hundred grand of bullet proof acrylic. The rest of the security system closes the doors, but this panel isn't supposed to call the police.”

Suddenly I heard on his walkie talkie, “Shots fired! Officer needs assistance” The dispatcher gave the funeral home's address and I winced.

“He got on his walkie talkie and said, “ 10-25, malfunctioning security system.”

The voice said, “Status Check”

“10-1”

The dispatcher said, “All units 10-25.”

He smiled and said, “Quite a set up, can you get me out of here now?”

“Yeah, and there will be video proof of everything in my office. You can have a printed dvd so your case can stick.”

“I'll need that. It'll be great.”

“Thanks,”

I pressed the all clear and then unlocked doors.

“So, the doors lock and unless a code is given, whomever fired the shot is locked in?”

“Yeah, and you guys come and get him.”

“How do you keep the perp from killing more?”

“You see that body up there?”

“Yeah”

“That's my concern. The family is up there too, so only one bullet gets in there if it's aimed that way. Because the codes unlock only one door at a time, we can press the code for that door and escape while the gunman is locked in with the crowd.”

“No knock out gases?”

“Would love too and actually checked it out, but that's administering medication without a license and it would be multiple counts for how many were in the room.”

“Oh, but we'd probably over look that.”

“Yeah, but all the people suing my ass off wouldn't.”

“Yeah, that's true.”

We went down the chapel and into the office. Ty had the video cams pulled up and I saw three all knocked black. All were on the back wall of the chapel.

“Add three video cameras on the back wall of the chapel to whatever else is malfunctioned. Ty pull up the video and I want it from the moment I went to take my shower to show the man didn't speak to me and then told several in here he did. That makes it burglary and trespass too.”

The officer said, “I'll get it with criminal intent too. That knocks it up a notch. I hope he brought bail money.”

Ty played the video and it showed all the screens up until the man plugged in the camera. “

“The man deliberately did that!”

“Yeah, he was told not to and he was told he couldn't without permission.”

“Oh man, let me go outside and take him in. The studio will shit when they find out I'm taking that camera in for evidence.”

“Be sure to call them and tell them I'm on the phone with my attorney.”

He smiled and said, “I can't do that, but I can imply and infer. “

I nodded and said, “Tell the Chief I'll be expecting him at our Kiwanis meeting.”

“He'll be at the funeral. All the brass are going to be here. Has he seen the security set up here?”

“Yeah, he comes in and each time he's got someone different and wants to show them what it does.”

“I bet he does, that's some set up.”

“Yeah, when it works right. Now, I can't test it without calling you guys.”

“Let us know before hand. If someone's on that doesn't know, tell them to patch you through to the chief and he'll notify them of the case number. This will be willful and malicious destruction of property. How much is that worth? Each camera is twelve grand and that panel back there is another seventy five. There's destruction to a pot of flowers valued at one hundred dollars too. With the First Church of the Nazarene as the injured party.”

“How'd he do that?”

“He moved it so it was under the panel. It might have looked good for his shot, but it wasn't when that panel crushed them. “

“Oh man, I bet there wasn't much left. That thing has to weigh a lot.”

“It does. This building had to have special structural members up there with a gantry above to lift it.”

“Ok, anything else damaged?”

“Not that I know, but I'll let you know.”

“Ok”

He left and Ty said, “Hon, I'm sorry.”

“No, the damned fool took it upon himself to lie and do what he pleased.”

“Is the other news crew coming?”

“I've no clue and once again, all bets are off until they sign a form, but I'll be sure to note on there the system being damaged prior to signature. This sucks.”

The maid came over and said, “Mr Green, I'm sorry for getting so excited earlier.”

I looked behind me and said, “Oh you scared me for a second, I thought my dad came back to life. My name's Lance. Lance Green. Please don't call me Mr Green. I'm not that old. What's your name.”

“Vickie Martin.”

“Hi Vickie, glad to have you aboard. Just give me your hours you work and I'll get you paid. Did Ty speak with you about his idea?”

“I haven't yet” Ty said.

She looked at him and he said, “First of all, how do you like to be called, Vickie? Ms Martin?”

“Call me Molly.”

“Ok, then Molly it is.”

We went out into the hallway and Gregg said, “The other news crew is here and they're filming the other news guy getting cuffed and stuffed!”

“Good, I'll go handle this one.”

He smiled and said, “I tried Boss...I tried!”

“I know you tried hon, sometimes some people are hell bent for getting their way.”

The other news guy came in and said, “What's went on out there?”

“The other guy came in and set up without permission. He damaged my security system and he's now put his station up for a lawsuit. What I'll need is a waiver of liability form filled out and I'll note on it the damage to the system which has been done. You can set up, but I'd prefer if you didn't tag into my power grid.”

“That's ok, Flagship all has handhelds and the batteries we've got will shoot for a long while. That with the satellite feed truck, we'll get it shot.”

“Ok, let me show you where you can set up.”

I took them in and they asked if they could set up two more cameras to show the front of the chapel better.

I shook my head no and said, “You can shoot anywhere from back here, but nothing goes forward unless there's no crowd and then, you can go to the back line of the crowd so you can make it look full.”

The guy nodded and said, “He tagged into your power and ruined how much equipment.”

“Those video cameras up there are toast and my alarm panel back there is fried. I've got a video head above the casket that's going to be thrown into the charges.”

He nodded and said, “How much damage?”

“Over a hundred grand.”

“Man, what a dumb ass. And he didn't ask?”

“No, he lied and told others he's spoken to me, but as our video showed, he didn't.”

“You've got this place wired for sound and video.”

“Yeah, we've had situations which have occurred.”

“Well, I've got a friend that's into the alarm systems. He could probably help you.”

“What's his name?”

“Ed Byrne”

“Really! That's who did this?”

“Well, he's tops around here.”

“Yeah, he knows his stuff and what he didn't know, I supplied.”

“So, you're the guy he said knew the ups and downs of security that he put in the system.”

“Yeah, but I don't know it. I just know what I want and then studied it.”

“He said you could have installed it yourself. He's going to be upset about this.”

“He's not the only one. I'm glad you're so accommodating.”

“No problem. In situations like this, I do what I can to respect people's privacy. You're not going to see a lot of close ups of people crying here. I might show notables entering, but that's it.”

“Get their permission first.”

“I will.”

He set up and no cord meant no worries from me. His tripods weren't out where people could trip and seeing his set up, I said, “What's your name?”

“Randy Lowe.”

“Randy, take a camera up there and put it behind that curtain. Looking at the way you do it, I'll let you go that far up. You think of others and I'm not going to penalize you for being smart.”

He nodded and said, “Thanks” with a smile.

“Randy?”

“Yeah.”

“Do you do commercials?”

“Yeah, you wanting one done?”

“No, but my father in law is the widower here and he's going to need some commercials. Also, I know a woman that runs a puppy rescue mission. If you'll film her, I'll pay for the commercials so she can get word out about her place.”

“Let me film it and we'll run it as a community piece where we promote various places like that. We even do a promo where we promote ourselves promoting her so it stays free.”

“Ok, I'll speak with her. She's most likely going to be here.”

“Ok”

He went about his work and it was a relief I didn't have to stand over him to protect my stuff. I took a look at the grandfather clock on my way through the rotunda and gave myself a moment to wind it. Gregg saw me and said, “That's an awesome clock.”

“Yeah, I got it for two hundred dollars.”

“Man, let me in on some of those deals! Would ya?”

“Yeah, this one is a special find. I drove out to San Diego to see my cousin La Don and he turned me onto an antique store there. I went in and found this one. The owner was an elderly lady that was heartbroken because she bought a condo and had it hauled out from her place in the northeast. Her ceilings were tall there and this measures a little over nine feet tall. Her ceilings were eight in her condo. She had to sell it because she had no storage. We struck up a deal and I told her about the funeral home and told her it would get special location. Someplace I'm sure she's smiling at the thought because I took a photo of it and sent it to her.”

“That's nice, how'd you get it back?”

“The Escalade.”

“I thought you didn't take vacations!”

“I don't. That visit saw me at a conference and saw me on the docks buying for this place. If it was a vacation, it was a working one.”

He nodded and said, “You sure find the nice things.”

“I'll give you a hint and that's a big one. Go to Alton, Illinois with Heather some weekend and walk through all the antique shops. On the way, stop at the huge one down at Ellsberry. You won't be sorry you went unless you don't take the flower truck to haul all the finds.”

“Why don't we make it a couple's weekend.”

“Nah, when I go with Ty, we're taking one of the convertibles and taking the Illinois side down so we can see all the deer in the fields.”

“A lot of them?”

“Yeah, the last trip I went, I counted ninety eight of them. The least amount I've counted was over thirty.”

“Man!”

“Yeah, but be careful, they know no such thing as brakes when they come off those steep hills. “

He smiled, “You mean you've been driving for how long and you 've not hit one?”

“No, but a pickup truck in front of me got broadsided. The guy was pretty happy. The deer came off the hill, hit the side of the truck, and did a back flip on into the bed of the truck...deader than hell. He pulled over at that rest area and I followed him in to tell him I'd witnessed it so he could report it to his insurance. As it turned out, he was an insurance man! I ended up buying my insurance from him for the funeral home and all those vehicles out there.”

“Man, I bet you made his day!”

“Yeah, he was happy. He got the deer meat and my business. You hit one before?”

“Yeah, I hit one about the third month I had my driver's license. That's how my truck got that neat paint job. Ty's hit one too.”

“Really!”

“Yeah, but with his little rust trap, who could tell?!

He paused and said, “I can't believe how cruel she was to him. When I hit mine, she helped me and made all the calls. When he hit his, he got told to park the car and to ask dad to help him with it. I ended up helping him. She didn't even have full coverage on his.”

“Gregg, don't get down on her. She was human.”

“Yes, but some things weren't right.”

“No they weren't and I'm sure wherever she is, she's probably got a lot of regrets and would do everything over the right way.”

“Yeah, she hated getting a sun tan, so I imagine she's got a nice red glow about her.”

“Don't say that. Remember, judge not lest thee be judged.”

“Ok, you're too nice, but what else is there to do down at Alton.”

“My advice is to go down on a Summer afternoon and go antiquing. Then, take a trip down a few blocks to Fast Eddie's BonAire. “

“What's that?”

“It's a bar/tavern restaurant that's probably the only straight one I'll go in. The food is awesome. Now, here's the pointer...the Fat Eddie burger is a solid half pound hamburger. Get it with cheese. It's a dollar nine. Get two. You might not think you'll eat it, but I'll tell you what. Everyone I go with thinks they won't eat it, but they end up doing it. They're amazed at how good they are.”

“How come I've never heard of it?”

“They don't advertise. It's strictly word of mouth. And believe me, if you get there after seven pm on a weekend night, you've gotten there too late. It's standing room only and you'll be standing in there tighter than at Spring break.”

“So you're telling me to take Heather to a bar?”

“No, I'm telling you to take her because once she gets to Alton, she'll drag you there. I took her once and now, if she's within twenty five miles of the place, she thinks all roads lead to Alton. That's why I'm trying to give you the heads up of the place.”

He laughed and said, “So, my loveliness loves Fast Eddies.”

“Yup, and thank you so kindly for calling me that. I'm sure Heather loves it too the way she acts.”

“You!”

“Yeah, as full of it as a Christmas goose, I know.”

He smiled and said, “That guy in there with the cameras sure knows his stuff. If you looked close, you'd see he has them all set up so he doesn't even have to be in the place. He can sit out there in that truck and run a class act.”

“Yeah, it's a shame the other guy couldn't.”

“Well, maybe he's desperate for a story.”

“He'll have one from the jail, that's for sure.”

We went into the chapel and I saw Mitch up by the casket. Gregg saw his dad and said, “Lance, he's been up there for an hour.”

“It's going to be tough on him. He did love her.”

“Yeah, but the way she treated him....”

“Was forgiven. You'll learn that about love. You'll take a mountain of shit and when someone else sees it, they'll think you've taken too much. When they say something to you about it, you'll ignore their remark because you know it's true, but when it comes to that person you love, you'll cross that mountain and be willing to take another. Right now, I bet if you asked him if he could have her back, he'd tell you “in a heartbeat.”

“Yeah, all I really hope is he finds someone that loves him a hundred times more than mom loved him because that's still too little.”

“Hon, you know, there was a time when they did love each other equally. You kids came from that love.”

 

“Yeah, I think about that and I wonder where it went.”

“