The Power Within

Brian and Pete: The Power Within

Chapter Twenty-Seven

Fight or Flight

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“Holy fuck!”

Ray’s outburst carried through my bedroom door, as did his retort to my mother’s complaint about his language.

Curious, I cracked open my door and heard the news anchor relating the story about Curt’s arrest and the request for other victims to come forward. I crept forward until I could see what was happening in the living room, and leaned against the wall to listen to the rest of the story.

“Pete?” Ray said, and then kneeling before him, he asked, “Pete, are you okay?”

Pete shook his head slowly. “I can’t do it,” he whispered.

“You don’t have to,” Ray said compassionately, “but this is your chance to make that fucker pay. He won’t ever hurt you or anyone else again!”

“I don’t want to do it, Ray,” he said, his voice shaking. “I’m… I…”

“You can do it,” I interrupted, my voice soft but with a hard edge to it. He looked at me, and I stared fiercely at him. He opened his mouth to say something, but I cut him off. “You’re strong enough, and you know it’s the right thing to do. You have your family backing you up, and you know they love you.”

“Brian….”

“You can do this, Pete,” I interrupted again. Our eyes bored into each other, and then with a nod, I returned to my room, closing the door quietly, and wedging it shut as an afterthought.

I looked around my room, suddenly feeling like I didn’t belong there anymore. Instead of bailing out the window like I wanted to, I curled up on the bed and cried myself to sleep.

Th. Dec 3

“Brian doesn’t understand,” my mother said.

“No, he does,” Kevin replied. “Pete is dealing with something he knows he can’t really understand, but Pete hurt him. Brian needs some time and space.”

“You’re right,” my mother sighed. “I just wish he could show Pete some support in dealing with the abuse, and with Curt.”

“I’m sure he will,” Kevin answered, “but Brian can’t see beyond his pain right now.”

“And you still want Pete to move back in here?” Jason asked in a reasonable tone. “How will that give Brian time and space if he and Pete are tripping over each other?”

“I still don’t like that idea,” Mom stated flatly.

“Well, they wouldn’t be rooming together, obviously,” Kevin answered thoughtfully, “And the only room we could even possibly put him in would be yours, Jason, but where would we put you?”

There was a pause, and I could see Jason shrugging in my mind. “I could move into Pete’s apartment for the time being until the lease is up. That will give Pete some time to get himself together, and maybe give both him and Brian a chance to come to terms. But I want you both to know that I think this is a terrible mistake, asking Pete and Brian to live under the same roof right now. It’s incredibly unfair to Brian! We all heard his reaction when he was told Pete was going to be here for Thanksgiving dinner. Just think of his reaction if he’s told Pete is moving in again.”

“I agree with you, Jason,” mom said. “It wouldn’t be right to have Pete move back in here. Brian needs family just as much as Pete does.”

I sighed quietly. The three legal adults were speaking in hushed tones in the dining room, believing I was still asleep in my room. I’d come out to go to the bathroom and caught the sound of my name and stopped to listen. I understood exactly what was going on, and I understood why they wanted Pete to move back in with us. None of that stopped me from being angry at the thought of him actually living here. Maybe I could move in with Jason at the apartment when Pete came home, but then Pete would be paying for my room and board again, and I didn’t want that. I could ask Terry’s parents to take me in, but that was a temporary solution at best.

“Maybe it would be best if I moved in with Pete,” Kevin mused. “It wouldn’t disrupt things here, and someone would be there for Pete.”

“Ray could stay over there too, at least part of the week,” Jason added. “I know you want him there because he’s been where Pete is going.”

“Yes, but I don’t want to have to have Ray transfer schools,” Kevin stated. “He needs to stay where he is. Whether they admit it or not, Ray and Brian support each other in small ways.”

“I think Ray will be okay with that- spending time at Pete’s place with him,” Jason said. “He hasn’t been himself since Pete opened up about what Curt did to him.”

I walked back to my room and shut the door quietly, relieved that the decision to move Pete back into the house had not been made. If he moved back into the house, I wasn’t sure what I would have done about it. Kevin moving out wasn’t necessarily the best choice to my way of thinking either, but I didn’t want Pete to be alone trying to deal with the abuse. Although I had never been sexually assaulted, I knew what it was to be emotionally abused, and I knew the effects such abuse had on one’s self-esteem. Pete had never to my knowledge suffered from a lack of self-esteem any more than another teenager might, but now that he was facing his abuse, I had no idea what the effect would be on him.

I shook my head. Pete wasn’t my problem any more. It was time for me to concentrate on keeping myself sane by throwing myself into school and working out.

On the Friday night news, I saw Pete giving an interview about his abuse, and asking others to come forward. I was surprised that he gave the interview given his desire for privacy, but was secretly proud of the strength he was showing. I knew he could stand up and do what was right, and he hadn’t disappointed me. A pang of sadness muted the happiness I was feeling, when I remembered that we were not together. Sometimes it was easy to forget, even two months after the fact. He was that ingrained into my psyche. To soothe myself, I went out to the workshop and finished up a two-hour work out, after which I showered and went to bed.

Monday morning I walked into school and was immediately confronted by Lee Krogh. He wore an evil smile. I tried to ignore him, but he stepped right in front of me.

“Saw your boyfriend on television, Kellam.”

“I don’t have a boyfriend,” I responded flatly, and then tried to side-step Krogh to go to my locker, but he again moved to stand in front of me.

“Sure you do. Pete Patterson— I’m sure you remember him. He was fucking you up the ass for three years. Of course, that was after he took lessons from that Jackson guy.”

I glared at Krogh, trying to keep my temper in check. It was extremely difficult to do.

“So tell me, Kellam,” he continued, that condescending grin still in place. “Did he learn his lessons well?”

“Get out of my face, Krogh.”

“Oh! Looks like I touched a nerve!” Lee taunted me.

“Better look out— being a fag is catching,” said Jesus Garza, who I’d missed when Krogh started talking to me.

“So tell us, Kellam,” Krogh said again. “Is that how Patterson became a fag? Did that guy teach him how to like it, and then he taught you? Did Jackson teach Patterson how to be a girl? Or are you the girl? You like getting fucked up the ass, Kellam?”

I may not have been with Pete any longer, but I wouldn’t put up with others tearing him down, especially over something like sexual abuse, and I would not put up with someone disrespecting me like that.

“Krogh, I’m about two seconds from wiping the floor with your face,” I grated, fuming.

“Try it!” Lee growled, returning my stare. “I’m tired of your faggot ass acting better than the rest of us.”

“You name the time and the place, and I’ll be there!”

“Crystal Creek Park. Four o’clock.”

“You got it.”

“What seems to be the problem, gentlemen?” Mr. Johnson asked as he walked up to stand beside us.

“No problem,” Krogh said.

“No problem,” I repeated.

“Good. Then you can go to your classes now.”

“See you later, Kellam,” Krogh said with a smirk.

“You can count on it!”

Krogh and Garza walked away, speaking quietly.

“Brian, why do I have a bad feeling about this?” Mr. Johnson asked.

“I don’t know,” I responded, my voice still hard.

“If you get in a fight, I’ll suspend you,” Mr. Johnson informed me.

“If I get in a fight on school grounds, you can suspend me,” I answered, looking at him. “You have no authority off school property. We had that discussion once. Remember?”

“Yes, I remember, but at that time you were asking me not to act because you didn’t want them to attack you off school grounds.”

I grunted in response to his words.

“Brian, fighting won’t solve anything,” the Vice Principal said softly.

“Sometimes we don’t have a choice.”

“There’s always a choice.”

“Not this time.” I walked away from the man, ignoring his quiet calls for me to return. He did not pursue me.

I went through the school day completely wrapped up in myself. I ignored virtually everyone who tried to talk to me if at all possible. During the lunch break, Ray confronted me, and I could not convince him to leave me alone.

“There’s a rumor going around that you’re fighting Krogh this afternoon,” Ray began without preamble.

“Really? That’s interesting.”

“God damn it, Brian, are you trying to get expelled? Are you trying to get your ass grounded again? Are you trying to…”

“Ray, shut the fuck up,” I ordered with a glare.

“What?” He asked incredulously.

“What I’m doing is my business, not yours, so butt out.”

“Fuck that. You’re my fucking brother, Brian, and you ain’t going to go off and get the shit beat out of you without me being there. Now where is the fight?”

“Bye, Ray.” I ended the conversation by walking away from him.

Terry and Tomas eyed me from their seats as I came into the lunch room. I stared back impassively, wondering what they were planning, but they didn’t move, plainly expecting me to get my lunch and join them. Rather than deal with another confrontation, I turned around and escaped to the library before they could catch up with me. While I was there I forced myself to contemplate what I was about to do.

I was going to fight Lee Krogh because I was sick and tired of his shit. He constantly put me down, put Pete down, and picked on other kids that were smaller than he was. He deserved to get his ass beaten down. I knew that my mom would throw a fit when she found out about the fight, and I knew Kevin would most likely throw a fit too. If I was smart, I wouldn’t even be entertaining the thought of actually fighting Krogh, but I’d already told him I’d be there, and if I backed down I would be the laughing stock of the school, and my credibility would be shot as the leader of the CIA.

I sighed. Once again I’d let my emotions get the better of me, and with potentially disastrous results. Pete was right. I couldn’t keep control of my temper, and it got me into trouble again.

My afternoon classes sped by. I still avoided everyone I could who might try to stop me from meeting Krogh as planned. The park where the fight was to take place was close to the route I would normally run home on, and I had enough time to get there after the last bell rang. I wouldn’t be too tired either, since it was about at the half way point of the run.

When the last bell finally rang, I packed up and was out of the building in less than two minutes. I told my mother as I passed her that I was going to run home and threw my back pack in the back of the car without waiting for a response, or listening to her calls for me to come back. I went back into the gym and changed into my running gear before stretching out, and then took off for Crystal Creek Park.

I got there about fifteen minutes before four and scoped out the area. There were plenty of places for us to fight unobserved from the street, and I picked one on the west side of the park and stretched out some more, keeping myself limber for what was about to happen.

Ten minutes later, a group of people arrived, including Jesus Garza, Lee Krogh, and Todd Langley. A sliver of fear entered my mind as I realized that if they ganged up on me, I would be in for a world of hurt. I might be able to fend off all three of them, but more than likely they would be able to overwhelm me with their numbers.

Krogh laughed menacingly. “Looks like you’re all alone, Kellam,” he said as he approached, stopping less than ten feet from me. Langley and Garza spread out a bit, facing me.

“So what,” I responded glibly with more confidence than I felt. “You realize that there is no way you can take me in a fair fight?”

“No. I figure that since you’re a fag, and you like to take it up the ass, that you might as well get what you want!” Barked Krogh, and then the three of them charged me.

“Back the fuck off, Krogh!” Came another voice from my flank, followed by the muffled noise of pounding feet coming down the trail, a sound that brought all three of my opponents up short just a few yards from me. I chanced a glance behind me and saw a group of my friends storming toward us, with Will Beck in the lead. “If you want a fight, well, now you have one!” He shouted as he skidded to a halt by my side.

Langley and Garza looked at each other, their eyes betraying their surprise and worry at so suddenly being outnumbered after thinking they’d have an easy time. Jesus took an involuntary step back when he saw his older brother standing directly across from him, and from all appearances was ready to pound his errant younger sibling into the ground. Langley’s face paled and his expression became distinctly uncomfortable. Krogh’s forehead creased with tension.

“Another time, Kellam. Your butt buddies can’t protect you forever.”

“So why don’t we settle this right now, just you and me?” I demanded. “Or are you too much of a coward to take me on in a fair fight?”

“Fuck you, Kellam!”

I allowed myself a grim smile. “You wish!”

Krogh narrowed his eyes, weighing his options. He knew he’d lost this battle whether he fought me or not.

“Come on, Brian,” Will said softly. “Let’s go. You don’t have anything to prove. We all know who the better man is.”

“No.” I responded forcefully. “I’m tired of this. I want it over now, one way or the other. So how about it, Krogh? You fight me now and we settle this. Just you and me.”

“Sure, and when I kick your ass, your friends jump in and save you,” Krogh said in a mocking voice. “No thanks.”

“They won’t touch you,” I replied, “except maybe to stop the bleeding after it’s over. Of course, the choice is yours, but I tell you this: if you’re too scared, and you don’t fight now, then I never want to see you or hear of you bashing anyone ever again— and that includes bullying other kids.” I pitched my voice lower to a menacing tone. “If you do, I’ll hunt you down and destroy you.” I met the gaze of Jesus and Langley in turn, and informed them, “That goes for you, too. You leave kids alone. They haven’t done anything to you, so leave them alone, or else I’ll take you out, too.”

“You can’t take us all on by yourself, Kellam,” Jesus Garza spat. “We’ll find you when you don’t have your friends to back you up!”

“If you do that,” threatened his older brother, “I’ll take you out myself, and you know I mean that! Brian is not alone in this! We’re all tired of you guys making other people miserable.”

“We’re tired of you pushing around other kids because they aren’t as strong as you,” added Terry.

“Or as big as you,” added Sterling.

“Or smarter than you,” inserted James Kuhns from behind me. I turned my head and received a determined smile from him.

I faced Krogh and his two cronies. “So what is it going to be? Are you going to have some balls and fight so you can be a prick to anyone you want, or are you going to back down and try to become a decent human being? Because either way, your tormenting of others stops here, and it stops now. The question is how much blood do you need to lose in the process?”

Krogh glared at me hard, and then spat on the ground in front of me. “It’s not worth it.”

“You’re damn right it isn’t worth it.” I stated.

“Something you three need to understand,” Will Beck said, addressing Jesus, Todd, and Lee. He took a step forward until he was toe to toe with Krogh. “And you tell all your friends this too. Don’t think that you’ll be able to go back to picking on kids in a few days. If you do, you’ll be facing all of us again, and then your choice won’t be whether or not to fight. It’ll be which emergency room you’ll go to afterward. So tell all your pals that hunting season is closed, unless we hear about them picking on someone. Then it’ll be hunting season again, and they’ll be the target. Got me?”

Lee Krogh tried to stare the smaller Will Beck down, but dropped his gaze first.

“Got me?” He asked again, now looking at Jesus and Todd.

After a moment of silence, they nodded and then turned to walk away, followed closely by Lee Krogh.

I finally took a good look behind me and realized that a dozen more people than those who had spoken during the confrontation stood around me, including football players, friends I knew well, and several other students I only knew in passing. One by one they said hello, and each thanked me for being there, for standing up for what was right, and then they drifted off, going about their way.

As I watched them retreat, I mildly asked how my friends had known where I was.

“Eddie Lasko. Seems that he was asked to come out here to beat you down, but he told them no. He told me what was up as I passed him in the hallway, and I rounded everyone up and came over here as soon as I could.”

I looked at Will in disbelief. “Lasko?”

“Yeah. Seems that he’s as tired of fighting as you are, Brian.”

I snorted. “Remind me to thank him when I see him. Speaking of which.... Thanks for coming, Will. Please don’t think I’m being ungrateful, but…”

“Why am I here after I wrote you off?” He asked with a half-smile.

“Yeah.”

“A mutual friend reminded me of something.”

I waited for him to say more as Tomas and Terry joined us.

“Friends are too far and few between to let things get in the way like I did. So you didn’t tell me you were gay. Big deal. We all have secrets. I’m not afraid you’ll come onto me or anything, and if you did, I know you’d take no for an answer and leave it at that. I guess… it was like I never even considered you’d like guys. You’re not effeminate or flamboyant.” Will shrugged. “I had no clue. And when you did come out, well, it shocked the shit out of me, so I did the only thing I knew to do, and that was to tell you to fuck off. But Terry and Tomas are right. Friends are special. And friends like you are even more special, because I know that when it comes down to it, you’d have my back.”

“I’d have had your back anyway, Will.”

“I know, and that’s why I feel so shitty about what I said and did. I’m sorry, Brian.”

He held out his hand, and I took it.

“Nothing to apologize for, Will. I understand where you were coming from. I’m just glad we’re friends again.”

“Me, too,” Will smiled.

“Aw, ain’t that cute!” Terry said, batting his eyes with a wide smile.

“Shut up!”

Will got the words out a fraction of a second before Tomas and I echoed him.

“Seriously,” Terry said, unaffected by our rejoinder, “Brian, you can’t keep doing this, man.”

“Doing what?” I inquired, puzzled by his statement.

“Running off on your own, trying to deal with everything all by your lonesome. We’re your friends! You can’t do everything by yourself, and you shouldn’t try. Let us help you.”

“Help me do what?”

“How about facing down those assholes for starters. You didn’t tell anyone what was going on. We had to find out from Lasko, of all people, what was going to happen.”

“I didn’t want to get you involved in my problems,” I sighed, looking away.

“That’s just it, Brian,” Tomas said, “it wasn’t just your problem. It was everyone’s problem. Do you think that we would be here if it was just your problem? For Christ’s sake, Brian, even James Kuhns was here, and you know he’s as scared as jack rabbit at a fur convention. That should tell you how important this is to people.”

To that, I could find no response.

The next few weeks passed by slowly for me. After all the excitement before the abortive fight, the calm that suffused the halls and classrooms seemed unnatural. Krogh and his bunch of miscreants kept a low profile and ceased their harassment of others. Of course, with everyone in the school aware that they had backed down, and with the additional knowledge that there were people who were willing to help kids who were victimized, no one put up with their crap. What had started with the Counter Intimidation Alliance had quickly come full circle. Since its original objectives had been met, the group discussed what to do next. It was decided that the next goal of the CIA would be to export the idea to other area schools. I applauded the idea and then tendered my resignation, which was reluctantly accepted. The last thing I wanted was to be put in the public spotlight, especially when so many other areas of my life were out of balance.

I continued seeing my therapist every week, but I stopped taking the medication he tried to get me to take. It made me feel fuzzy, and I didn’t like it at all. Mom and I had a discussion about it and she agreed to let me stop it after consulting with Will, but I had to promise both of them that I wouldn’t miss another appointment with him. It was an easy promise to make. I had decided that my days of running off into the night were over. I needed to face whatever was going to come my way. The difference was that I knew I had people I could call on for help, at least for some things.

There were some things that other people just couldn’t or wouldn’t understand, so I kept them to myself. I found that I was having a hard time balancing my personal life. School was not taking up any of my time at all beyond the little homework I didn’t complete in class, and I didn’t know what to do with myself at home, so I did what I knew: I worked out.

After running for an hour, I spent two additional hours a day in the weight room, methodically working every muscle I could get at while alternating groups every day. My three-day routine was working very well. My weight was maintaining, and my body fat was nice and lean. I was in the best physical shape of my life.

My thoughts, on the other hand, were more fragmented than ever before. I couldn’t concentrate on anything for any length of time. My workouts and runs turned into my safe haven, for it was only there that I could quiet my mind for any length of time. My agitation did not go unnoticed by my family and friends, but their scrutiny only made me feel more nervous, and my stomach didn’t like it. Food became a chore to be endured, not something that I took pleasure in or looked forward to. I ate because I had to, not because I wanted to.

On a Saturday in the middle of December, my mom managed to get me in the car, and we drove to Pete’s apartment. She said she was worried about me and since I wouldn’t talk to her, that maybe I’d talk to Pete. Her logic seemed off to me, but I didn’t want to cause problems, so I steeled myself and went along with it.

His apartment was clean and uncluttered, which didn’t surprise me. Kevin had been living with Pete for over a month, but I suspected that Pete would have kept his apartment neat regardless of Kevin’s presence. My ex-boyfriend looked well enough, but his eyes were haunted. According to everything I had been told, he was dealing with the aftermath of the abuse well. His smile seemed genuine when he greeted me, but it didn’t produce any feelings of fondness inside me. My feelings for Pete were well and truly buried.

“Hi, Brian,” Pete started softly. “It’s good to see you.”

I shrugged.

“Come in. Please sit down.”

I followed his instructions mechanically, taking a seat on his couch.

“I’ll be back later to pick you up, Brian,” mom said. “Call me when you’re ready to come home.”

“I’ll run home, Mom.”

“Then call me when you leave?”

“Okay.”

She smiled at Pete and left, closing the door behind her, leaving an uncomfortable silence behind.

“Would you like anything to drink? Juice? Water?”

I shook my head. “No, thank you.”

Pete got himself a glass of orange juice. I watched him, noting that his hands were shaking. He was nervous. He tore off a paper towel and wiped the counter.

“Sure you don’t want anything?”

“Nothing for me, thanks.”

“Okay…” He sat down across from me and sipped his juice while observing me over his glass. “Your mom asked me to talk to you about how you’re doing. For some reason, she seems to think you’ll listen to me.

“I’m doing okay,” I said mildly. “I’m not doing anything that I haven’t done before.”

“Your mom says you aren’t eating right.”

“I’m eating just fine. Just because she doesn’t like the way I’m eating doesn’t mean I’m eating wrong.”

“And she says you’re overdoing your workouts.”

“I work out two hours a day using a routine I developed.”

“Are you running?” Pete asked.

“An hour or so after school.”

“So you’re spending three hours a day exercising?”

“It’s not just exercise. It’s how I wind down,” I said with some exasperation. “Look, I don’t know why she brought me here. My mom seems to think that I care about what you think of me.”

“You don’t?” I couldn’t tell if he was surprised at the statement or not.

“Not anymore.”

After a pause, Pete responded, “Fair enough. What do I tell your mom, then?”

“Tell her whatever you want. I’m not doing anything wrong. I have everything under control. There’s nothing to worry about.” I was maintaining my calm by iron will and a thin thread of control.

“Brian…”

I met Pete’s eyes for the first time since we started talking.

“Do you think we can ever be friends again?”

“I thought you didn’t want anything to do with a faggot. Oh wait- that’s right. You don’t want anything to do with this faggot!” I said with blunt brutality.

“I’m sorry I said those things, Brian. I was wrong. Really, really wrong.”

“And you want me to say it’s okay and kiss and make up?” I asked incredulously “Get real! Do you have any idea what…” I stopped before I could start raving any more than I already had.

“I know it’s not okay, Brian. What I said and did hurt you a lot. I know that. I can see that more now than ever before.”

“Congratulations,” I said coldly.

“Brian…”

“Pete, I know exactly why you did what you did. I accepted it then, and I accept it now. But, and this is a hell of a big but, you went beyond that into cruelty. You dismissed everything we had, and told me to fuck off. And I took it, and I tried to respect your wishes. You went out of your way to make me miserable.”

He watched me impassively, a slight tension in his eyes. “Go on,” he prompted.

“What more is there to say? You did what you needed to do. You’re doing what you need to do. And me, I’m doing what I need to do.”

“You’re right — I’m doing what I need to do. Brian, I need to say this so there is no misunderstanding.” He stared into my eyes. “I am so very sorry for what has happened between us since the day of the fight. If I could change it, I would.”

“You son of a bitch. You think that makes it all better?”

“No, of course not. But I’m hoping that we can at least talk now and then.”

“Talk?” My voice was taking on a hysterical edge.

“Yes.”

I stood abruptly. “I have to go.”

“Where are you going?” Pete asked, somewhat alarmed.

“For a run,” I responded more out of habit than a desire to explain myself. I opened the door and walked out into the cold winter sun.

“I’ll let your mom know you’re on your way home,” Pete called after me.

I waved my hand in acknowledgement as I ran away, waiting until I turned the corner to wipe away the stinging tears.

A grunt escaped as I pushed through the last repetition on the weight machine, completing the third set on the bench press. I let my arms fall to the side for a moment and then sat up. I caught some motion out of the side of my eye and glanced over to see Ray standing in the door way watching me, letting in the cold winter air.

As I set up the machine for the military press, I said, “In or out, Ray, I don’t care. Just shut the door.”

“You’re overdoing it again, Brian.”

“No I’m not, Ray.”

“Bull shit.”

“Ray, we went over this. I’m in a routine, and it’s working fine.”

“Then why is everyone worried about you, fuck stain?” Ray snapped.

“Because no one is listening to me, Ray! Just like you!” I barked back at him, and then sat in front of the machine to begin my next exercises. “No one ever fucking listens to me.”

“Oh, we listen! We watch too. We see what you’re doing!”

“And what’s that,” I grunted as I pushed through another repetition.

“You’re trying to destroy yourself. You’re not eating right, and when you do eat, you puke it up.”

“I do not!” I mumbled, pausing between sets to glare at him.

“You’re a fucking liar! I heard you this morning, and it’s not the first time! You don’t eat lunch at school. You don’t eat breakfast unless your mom gets on you. You eat dinner only when you can’t avoid it, and then you go to the bathroom almost immediately after. You work out two hours or more a day. You run an hour or more every fucking day! Brian, I love you, but god damn it, your body can’t keep going this way!”

I went back to my second set of lifts as Ray continued.

“Brian, why are you doing this? I know you’re having a hard time, but you aren’t alone. You have Tomas and Terry and if you don’t want them to help you, then you can scrape the bottom of the barrel and you’d find me! You can’t do everything on your own!”

I paused as I completed my second set, and waited for him to continue.

“You know what? Fine. If you think you’re okay, then there’s nothing I can do to change your mind, but you better pray that someone is there to save your ass when you finally do collapse, and you know it’ll happen, just like it did when you lived in California.”

I began my third set as he watched me. Mid-way through the set, Ray marched over and hung his arm from the handle bar, preventing me from continuing my lifts.

“Say something, you stupid fucking son of a bitch!”

“What do you want me to say, Ray?” I asked quietly, calmly meeting his gaze. When it became apparent that I was going to say nothing more, Ray snorted.

“Fine. Be that way. You want to go it alone, then that’s fine with me. You’ll die alone, too. Just don’t expect me to mourn you after you kill yourself.”

Ray stalked out of the room and slammed the door behind him. I finished my set and then wiped the sweat off my face with my towel, and then wiped the tears from my eyes. Standing up from the seat, I walked to the door of the room and glanced out the window in the door. Ray was standing outside the house with his fists on his hips. He placed his hand on the door knob, and then dropped it and turned back to look at me standing in the doorway. His glare was sharp and clear. I turned away and wiped my eyes again, all too aware that Ray, for all his bluster, had seen through me, and I hated what he’d seen.