The Power Within

Brian and Pete: The Power Within

Chapter Ten

Reaction

This story is copyrighted by the author and the author retains all rights. This work may not be duplicated in any form, physical, electronic, audio, or other forms known or unknown without the author’s express written permission. All applicable copyright laws apply and will be enforced.

“Not this faggot!”

Lee Krogh charged Brian, and Brian calmly planted his fist on his nose with a sickening crunch. I watched Lee fall to the ground, and Brian survey the area for remaining assailants. Finding none, he seemed to shrink in on himself as he stood. Terry and Tomas reached his side quickly, each resting a hand on his shoulder, lending him the support that I could not bring myself to give.

The vice principal arrived and began questioning people about what had happened during the fight. I listened as Brian began explaining what happened, backed up by Tomas and Terry. It was then that Blake Scoggins confirmed what I thought I had heard but hoped I had not.

“Yeah, that’s right. Kellam’s a fag, and he even admitted it!”

My heart rose to my throat as panic struck. I did the only thing my brain would allow me to do. I turned my back on Brian and walked away without looking back. I was terrified that someone would link me to Brian and out me too, and that would be more than I could handle.

My cell phone was kept in the car during the school day since they were not allowed within the campus buildings. The car was the first place I went, and I wasted no time in hitting my number two speed dial.

“Vanderkamp, Patterson, and Craine, how may I direct your call?”

“This is Pete Patterson. I need to speak to my dad. It’s an emergency.”

“Sure, Pete. Hold on.”

“Thank you.”

I could not have been on hold more than twenty seconds, but it seemed as though a lifetime had passed before he picked up the phone.

“Pete?”

“Dad! I don’t know what to do!”

“What happened?”

“Brian!” I said in a panicked voice. “He got into a fight. He outed us!”

“Slow down, son,” Dad said calmly. “Tell me what happened.”

Ignoring him, I continued, “I can’t deal with this, Dad! We talked about this. You know I can’t …”

“Pete, get a grip!” His words stopped my tirade mid-sentence, and calmed me considerably. “Where are you?”

“At school. In my car.”

“Okay, let me think for a second.” Only a breath later, he said, “Pete, I want you to go home…”

“No!” I snapped. “Brian’ll be there! I don’t want to see him!”

“Okay, okay, easy, son. Are you okay to drive? And don’t say yes if you’re not. Now isn’t the time to be brave.”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m okay to drive.”

“Are you sure?” Dad’s voice was serious, his words spaced evenly, so I knew he was not just asking.

“Yes.”

“Okay,” he said, sounding relieved. “I want you to come to my office. Park in my spot in the underground parking. You know which one, right?”

“Yes,” I confirmed.

“Good. You get here and you come upstairs and wait in my office,” Kevin ordered. “Close the blinds if you want. There’s a pillow and a blanket in the coat closet in the corner. Lay down on the couch and try to relax. I’m going to get you some clothes and make some arrangements, and then I’ll come right back for you, okay?”

“Yeah.”

“All right. You get here. I’ll be back as soon as I can.”

“Hurry, dad.”

“I will. You be safe, you hear?”

“I hear.”

“I’ll see you soon.”

“Love you, Dad.”

“Me too, son.” The click on the other side of the line had never sounded so final at any other time in my life.

Starting the car seemed one of the most difficult things I had ever had to do, because my hands were numb. I do not remember the drive to Dad’s building. I remember getting out of the car, getting in the elevator, and walking in to face the receptionist. She recognized me and let me go straight to my dad’s office. I found the blinds already closed and a pillow and blanket laying on the couch. I took the hint and tried to rest, but it proved to be futile at best.

A knock on the door was quickly followed by it opening.

“Kevin, I’m going to the Geofferson deposition, and I… Kevin? Are you all right?”

“It’s me, Van. Pete. Dad had to run home for me.”

“Well, Peter,” the man whom Kevin considered his father greeted me. “I see. Is there anything I can do for you before I go?” he asked, picking up a file off of Dad’s desk.

“No, thank you,” I said with a sigh. “There’s nothing anyone can do now. I just have to figure out what I’m going to do.”

“I really wish I could stay and talk, Pete, but I mustn’t be late for this deposition. If you need anything, you ask my secretary, and she’ll get it for you right away, all right?”

“Thank you, Van. I’ll wait for dad.”

“Okay, son. It’s good to see you again. Say hello to Brian for me.”

I did not answer as he shut the door. Talking to Brian was the last thing in the world I wanted to do at that moment. I was absolutely furious with him. He had done exactly what I had asked him not to. He had put himself in a position to be outed, and that is exactly what happened. Brian had not even waited a week before doing it, either. I even told him that I would have to make a choice, and I did not want to do that.

Continuing to stew, I awaited my father’s return. I simply could not believe that Brian would deliberately disregard my feelings like that, but I had seen and heard him do it with my own eyes and ears. I threw myself back onto the couch and let myself cry. Brian had betrayed my trust. After everything he had been through, after being betrayed as he had been, he had betrayed me.

Anger began to replace the sadness that had only a moment before filled my heart. The tears in my eyes were drying quickly. Standing up, I paced the perimeter of my dad’s office with nervous steps, not paying attention to anything except cultivating the sense of betrayal and anger I felt so righteously entitled to.

Some time later, I finally sat in the chair behind Kevin’s desk, leaning back into the soft leather and tenting my fingers in front of my lips. I knew that I would have to face Brian at some point. The question would be when and where.

The door opened. Dad came in carrying a suitcase and a gym bag.

“I didn’t know what you wanted, so I got what I remember seeing you wear. The gym bag has some sweats and your toiletries.”

“Thanks, Dad.”

“Sure, son,” he said, motioning me to stay in the chair when I started to rise.

I got up anyway and sat on the couch. He joined me there.

“Brian told me…”

“I don’t want to talk about him.”

“… what happened. He was defending someone else, son.”

“It doesn’t matter! He’s been outed, and that means I’ll be outed to! I can’t deal with that! I won’t make myself that vulnerable again!”

“Easy, son,” he said, patting my knee.

“Easy? No way! Not this time. I told Brian how I felt, and he deliberately put himself in a position to get outed!”

“So what are you going to do about it?” Dad asked matter-of-factly.

“I’m not going home,” I said resolutely. “I can’t face him right now.”

“So where are you going to go?” he asked, his voice calm and unruffled.

“I don’t know.”

“Well, there’s the phone, unless your planning on staying in a hotel.”

“Not if I can help it,” I said sourly.

“How long are you planning on staying away?”

“I don’t know.” I was starting to get annoyed.

“When are you going to go back to school?”

“I don’t know!”

“What are you getting mad at me for? I’m just asking questions.”

“Because… just because.”

“Oh. Okay. Well, when you decide where you’re going to stay, then let me know.” Dad moved to his desk and sat in his desk chair. “You don’t mind if I do some work while you’re figuring out what you want to do, do you?”

“What… wha… why are you treating me this way?” I demanded as I shot to my feet.

“What way? You seem to have your mind made up as to what you want to do, but you don’t know the details. Figure out the details and I’ll help you. Until then, I have things I need to do, all right?”

“You think I’m being stupid, don’t you?” I accused harshly.

“Did I say that, or even imply that? No. Do I think you’re acting rashly? Yes. Do I think you need to settle down before you make any decisions or moves you may regret? Absolutely. You’re an adult, Pete. I can’t do anything to stop you, but I think you’re running toward a cliff, and I don’t want to see you run off the edge because you’re spooked.”

So you’re taking his side?” I asked incredulously.

“Why are you putting words in my mouth?” Dad asked, laying his pen on his desk and leaning forward to look me in the eyes. “Pete, son, my first concern is you. I don’t want anything to happen to you. I’m your dad, but we both know that’s only on paper. You can walk right out of here and move to wherever you want to. You have the money to do it.”

“I don’t want to leave,” I petulantly replied. “And it’s not just on paper.”

“Sure it is,” he rebutted. “You’re emancipated, but that’s not the point. The point is I can’t enforce anything from a parental perspective. All I can do is advise you and hope you hear what I have to say.”

I sat back down, knowing that he really was calling me stupid, but explaining it to me in such a way that I could see it. Taking a deep breath, I leaned back into the couch and closed my eyes for a few seconds. When I opened them, Dad was observing me, his face unchanged, his calm steady features reassuring me.

“What do I do, Dad?”

“You don’t want to go home. I understand that. School will be out in a little over an hour. Do you have any friends you can call and maybe stay with them for a day or two until we find someplace else?”

I was quiet for a long moment, running through a list of people that I considered friends and rejecting them because Brian considered them friends as well, or because they would ask questions I did not want to answer. Only one person came to mind who might understand.

“Jared. He won’t ask questions, and he knows about me in any case. I think he has last period free anyway.”

“All right. Give him a call. If you need me to speak to his parents, I will,” Kevin offered. “I know them pretty well from when he and Jason met.” Sensing I was in a more rational place, he continued, “Now, assuming that you’ll be able to stay there until the end of the week, what are you going to do about school?”

“I can’t go back,” I said softly, eyes low. “People will put it together.”

“You don’t know that.”

“They aren’t stupid. He and I have been close since he moved up here. He comes out… it’s a natural assumption.”

A silence grew between us, and then he asked, “Are you going to quit school?”

“Quit school?” I repeated.

“Yes. Again, you have your inheritance.”

“No. Grandma and Grampa wanted me to go to school.” I sighed. “I guess I’m going to have to change schools.”

“You’ll have to live somewhere else then, in another district.”

“That means an apartment,” I said absently.

“That means an apartment,” agreed Kevin.

We sat in silence for a few more moments before he spoke again. “Are you sure this is what you want to do? Do you know what this is going to do to your relationship with Brian?”

“I warned him I would have to make a choice if he got outed.” Tears formed in my eyes as the pain betrayal came back. “He outed himself, and I’m doing what I have to.”

“You’re certain?”

“Yes.”

Dad peered at me for a long while, long enough that I could no longer meet his gaze. He was still looking at me when I glanced back his way several moments later.

“What?” I demanded.

“Nothing much,” Dad said with a sigh. “I’m just wondering what’s going to happen.”

“What do you mean?”

“When are you going to tell Brian you’re not coming back?”

“Eventually,” I hedged.

“Eventually this week? Eventually this month? This year?”

“When I get around to it!” I snapped.

“What part of this has you so angry? What is it about what Brian did that has pissed you off so much?”

“He of all people should know what it’s like to be betrayed by someone he loves, and then he goes and betrays me and my trust.”

“Ah. You think he betrayed you by…”

“By deliberately outing himself after I asked him not to!”

“I really wish you would stop yelling at me,” Kevin commented, mildly annoyed.

“Sorry,” I apologized sincerely. “This whole thing… I’m so angry.”

“No shit.”

I looked at my dad, examining his face for a hint of his mood.

When his face remained neutral, I continued, “He went out of his way and put himself between Krogh and that other kid. He went out of his way to taunt and provoke Krogh into attacking him. He went out of his way to…”

“I get the idea,” Dad said, turning back to his work. “Do what you need to, and let me know if you need anything from me.”

“Okay. Can I use the phone in the empty office across the hall?”

“Sure.” As I walked toward the door and put my hand on the handle, he said without looking up, “Pete? No matter what happens, you’ll never lose my love. Never.”

He glanced up at me for an instant, and I was surprised to see tears glistening in his eyes before he looked away again.

“I love you too, Dad,” I confirmed softly, allowing myself to realize for the first time that what was happening between me and my boyfriend was affecting not only him and me, but everyone around us.

“You have to understand, though, that I love Brian, too, and I can’t turn that off. But that doesn’t mean I love you any less, or that you don’t come first.”

I took his words at face value. Even though every fiber of my body vibrated with the rage I felt toward my boyfriend, I still loved him. “I know, Dad.”

I sat at the desk in the room across from my father’s office and picked up the phone, dialing Jared’s number from memory. The phone rang three times before it was knocked off its cradle and fell to land on the table or floor with a loud bang. Whomever picked up the receiver fumbled with it for a moment before gaining control of it.

In the background I heard a young man’s muffled voice say, “Stop it, Jared! Do you want to answer this? Then leave me alone so I can!” The receiver was uncovered and the voice became clear when he spoke again. “Tanner residence.”

“Hello. Can I speak to Jared please?”

“May I tell him who’s calling?”

“Pete Patterson.”

A pause was followed by a now shaky voice, replying, “One moment, please.”

The receiver was covered again and a hushed conversation occurred that I could not make out. A moment later, the receiver was handed over, and Jared’s voice came on the line.

“Pete! What’s up?”

“You heard what happened this morning?”

“Well, yeah. Everyone did. How’s Brian doing?”

I ignored his question. “Jared, I need a place to stay for a couple of days until I can find a place of my own. You’re the only person who knows about my situation that I can go to, and I wouldn’t ask if it wasn’t important.” I could hear Jared breathing on the other end of the line, constructing the implications of my words. When he did not answer for a long while, I added, “I can’t go home, and I’m not going back to school except to check out.”

“So, it’s over?”

Deliberately misinterpreting his question, I replied, “I don’t know, but I can’t go to school there, not with the way things are now. It’s too dangerous for me.”

Again he was quiet, interpreting my unspoken message, before he said, “I’ll have to ask Mom and Dad, and they’re going to want to talk to your Dad too.”

“He said he would. When will they be home?”

“Around six,” Jared supplied. “I’ll call them after we’re done here so they know what’s up so we don’t blind side them. Are you in a safe place?”

“Yeah. I’m at Dad’s office.”

“What’s the number there? I’ll call you once I talk to Mom and Dad and let you know what they want to do. They might want you and your dad to come over and talk about this.”

“Okay.” I gave him my father’s phone number.

“Let me call them, and I’ll call you right back if they don’t.”

“Thanks, Jared.”

“You bet. Hang in there, Pete.”

“Bye.”

We hung up at the same time, and I sat back in the chair, wondering what I would do if Jared’s family was unable or unwilling to accommodate me. The only thing I could do would be to get a hotel room until I could get an apartment. Money was not the issue, but I did not like the idea of living out of a hotel, and at that, I did not really like the idea of living alone. I wondered if Jason might be willing to share a two bedroom apartment with me.

I rose and returned to Dad’s office, explaining the situation to him. Dad listened attentively, and nodded when I told him he would either hear from Jared’s parents or Jared would call.

“I’m certain I’ll hear from Gordon and Patty. When Jason first befriended Jared, we talked quite a bit. They wanted to make sure he wasn’t getting in with the wrong crowd again, so they more or less demanded to meet us before they would let Jason spend any time with him. We haven’t spent a lot of time together, but we’re on good terms.”

“I just hope they’ll let me stay for a couple of days until I can find an apartment. Will you help me find one, Dad?”

“You know I will, Pete,” my dad answered as if I had asked a stupid question. “As a matter of fact, I know of a complex that might have some vacancies. We’ve placed another emancipation there earlier this year, and it happens to lie within the next school district over.”

“You mean the district with the new high school?”

“Well, Pine Crest is four years old now, but by all reports, it’s an excellent school all around, from academics to athletics.”

“Sounds great,” I said with only partially feigned enthusiasm. “I guess I’ll go to school tomorrow and withdraw, and then check into Pine Crest tomorrow.”

“You can also stop by the house and get more of your things around twelve thirty. I’ll be taking Brian to a counseling appointment. We should be gone until two thirty.”

“Thanks.”

The phone rang. Kevin looked at the display.

“That was fast. It’s Gordon Tanner.” He picked up the receiver. “Hello, Gordon. It’s good to speak with you as well. I wish it were under better circumstances. Did Jared fill you in?”

Dad was quiet for a few minutes as he listened to Mr. Tanner speak, occasionally humming agreement or giving a one-word answer. I tried to glean from his reactions and expressions how the conversation was going, but Dad’s face betrayed nothing.

“Yes, that’s correct. Of course we would, Gordon. What’s the real issue here? You know I wouldn’t do that. Look, if you’re that concerned, give me a quarter when I see you. Then I become your attorney and all this becomes privileged. No, Gordon, I’m not joking. Do you want me to bring a contract, too? No, no, I understand, and you have my word. I trust him, and I know he wouldn’t do that, based on, if nothing else, the entire reason we’re speaking now. Five? We’ll be there. I remember. Thank you, Gordon. Good bye.”

Dad hung up and looked at me expectantly. When I did not say anything, he spoke instead.

“We’re going over at five, as you heard. Mr. Tanner has so far agreed to discuss what may be done, and that’s it. No promises. There’s also another issue. Apparently they are housing Jared’s boyfriend for the week, so if you stay, you’ll need to either share a bed or take the couch. He doesn’t want Jared and his partner sharing a room. They have a slightly narrower view on what is appropriate behavior than I do.”

“It didn’t seem that way when Jared and Ray were together.”

“Ray is the reason for the restrictions,” Dad said, trying not to smile. “Gordon and I had a rather… colorful conversation about that one, but I think it opened their eyes about Jared growing up. They do get their time alone, but not on school nights.”

“Oh.”

An unexpected twinge brought Brian back to mind. The more I thought about him, the more I wanted to run home and wrap myself around him, but I could not do that. I could not live with him after what had happened. He had made it impossible for me to go back to that school with him. He had forced me to give up my life there. I could not forgive that so easily, but even so, I knew I would miss him terribly.

Dad and I arrived at the Tanner home at five exactly. Mr. Tanner let us in the door, greeting us in a genial manner, and asked us to sit in the family room. Jared came in from the kitchen and asked if we wanted anything, and then sat as well once he had returned with our drinks. Mrs. Tanner joined us shortly thereafter.

I explained to them what had happened at school that day, what my reaction was, and what I needed from them. Jared’s eyes reflected the unasked questions he formed as the discussion went on, and I knew I would have to answer them at some point. I simply prayed he would hold them until the question of my staying with his family for a few days was settled.

The conversation drifted away from me and was held between the parents for a short while. I could sense some old hostility from them, something that remained from the way Ray had abused Jared. I was not terribly amazed to hear Kevin agree with the Tanner’s assessment of Ray’s character, but he did defend him after a fashion, stating he was reacting out of a past history of abandonment. Kevin was quick to assert that while this did not justify his actions, it made them understandable.

I turned to see Jared’s reaction to the exchange and was surprised to see him watching me and paying no attention to the discussion at all. I shook my head slightly, giving the indication I would talk to him later. He did not reply, but continued to stare at me.

“Pete,” Mr. Tanner was saying, “if you’re going to stay here, then we’ll need your promise that who you see here stays here. Some people who drop by are not out.”

“Of course. I would hope they would do the same for me.”

“If necessary, I’m sure they would,” Mr. Tanner assured me. “One of the people is Jared’s boyfriend. He’s not out, and he’s staying with us this week while his parents are out of town. I’m certain you know him.”

“I wouldn’t tell anyone. I’m not going back to that school, so it doesn’t matter, in any case.”

My eyes were drawn to Jared, who was staring at me again. His behavior was starting to irritate me. I did not want to have an argument in front of his parents, so I deliberately turned from him.

“You can’t run away, Pete.”

The adults paused in their conversation to face him.

“What did you say, Jared?” his father asked.

“I was speaking to Pete. I’m sorry for interrupting.”

Gordon Tanner took in his son’s expression, and then mine. “Is there a problem that I should know about?”

“I would guess that Jared doesn’t agree with what I’m doing,” I answered somewhat flippantly.

“I don’t think running away from Brian is the right thing to do,” Jared shot back. “Not after everything you’ve been through to be together.”

“That’s not your decision to make, Jared,” I said through my teeth, voice tight and harsh. “If this is going to be a problem, then I’ll leave now.”

I stood to go, but Jared stood and met me before I could get to the door, putting his hand on my shoulder. I stopped, waiting to see what he wanted.

“Just because I don’t agree with you doesn’t mean I don’t want you to stay. Okay?” I turned to face him. “I’m sorry. I know it’s none of my business, but I don’t like to see friends get hurt, and that’s what I’m seeing. I won’t mention it again.”

“Thank you, Jared.”

“Sure. Come on. I’ll get you settled. Mom and Dad agreed that you could have the guest room to yourself.”

Jared was trying hard to fight off even a slight grin. I managed to keep a sober face as I realized what this meant for him, and followed him into the back of the house before he betrayed himself.

“You can put your clothes in the dresser and use the closet if you want. We’ll all be sharing the bathroom though,” Jared cautioned me.

“Okay, that won’t be a problem,” I replied as I opened my case. “I’m fast in the morning once I get moving.”

“Good.”

“Besides, I won’t be going to class with you tomorrow.”

“Oh. I forgot. This is all just so… surreal.”

“Tell me about it,” I murmured. “This doesn’t seem real to me either.”

“Well, go ahead and unpack. I’ll wait for you out front.”

Jared’s retreat left me alone in a strange room in a strange house owned by strange people in a strange situation brought about by strange circumstances, and I did not like it. Sighing heavily, I walked out to the family room in time to see Jared greeting his boyfriend at the front door.

Rick Hurst was a safety on the football team. I had practiced with him for weeks and never had a clue he was gay. His eyes met mine, and after Jared released him, he cautiously approached me.

“Hi, Pete.”

“Hi, Rick.”

“Um… Sorry to hear about what happened. It’s a really crappy thing Krogh did.”

“Yeah. Thanks.”

“You and Kellam…”

“We were,” I interrupted him, “I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Okay. Well, sorry.”

Rick walked down the hall followed by Jared. I looked after them for a moment and then followed them, but turned left into the guest room and sat heavily on the bed. A moment later, my dad sat next to me and put his arm around me. I leaned into him.

“Are you going to be okay, son?”

“I’m going to have to be. I don’t have a choice.”

After a short silence, Dad said, “I know you don’t want to talk about this, but you need to consider it to be fair to him. When are you going to tell Brian that you aren’t coming back?”

“I don’t want to,” I replied simply.

“I know you’re angry with him son, and I understand why, but it’s not right to keep this from him. You have to let him know you’re leaving him, Pete. You would want him to do the same.”

“I don’t want to leave him, Dad,” I admitted through new tears. “I love him.”

“But?”

“But… I can’t be out.”

“Is there any way you could live with us and go to a different school?”

The anger I had felt before about losing my life at school reasserted itself long enough for me to answer, “No,” but fled just as quickly, leaving me crying bitter tears in my father’s arms.