“Are you feeling okay, honey?” my mother asked as I gingerly walked into the kitchen for breakfast.
“I’m okay, just sore.” I replied. “The game, you know?”
Mom hummed her sympathy. “I’m still not used to you boys coming home looking like you lost a fight,” she said as she kissed my cheek. “You weren’t in this much pain last night,” she added as I gently sat at the kitchen table.
“It stiffens up overnight, Mom. I should be fine by tomorrow.”
“Sore, Bri?” Pete asked as he walked in. He kissed me and then sat next to me.
“Some, but it’s a good hurt. Makes me know we did something right.”
Pete blushed and leaned over for another kiss. I met him half way with a lingering lip lock that lasted until my mother cleared her throat. Our smiles matched as my boyfriend sat back in his chair.
“Had a good night, did you?” my mother asked pointedly.
“Yeah, it was nice,” I sighed. “We have to do it again sometime soon.”
“Do what exactly?” she pressed, peering at us.
I returned her gaze with innocent eyes. “We took a nice long shower and then relaxed in bed. Pete gave me a massage, too.”
“Mm hmm.” Mom was not impressed. “What would you liked for breakfast, boys?”
Jason stumbled in as we were finishing our morning meal. His eyes were red and puffy and his face tear streaked. He was wearing nothing but boxer shorts and ignored the fact he was nearly naked in front of my mom. We watched him get a glass out of the cupboard, pour himself some orange juice and then return to the room he was now sharing with Ray. Pete and I exchanged glances.
“Is Jason okay?” Mom asked automatically.
“He’s still having a hard time dealing with what David did. It’s only been a couple of days.” Pete said, looking after his brother. “He needs some time to adjust. If he doesn’t come out of it, Dad’ll talk to him.”
“I take the fifth!” Kevin said as he walked into the kitchen, a grin on his face. “Now what am I not incriminating myself about?”
“Morning, Pop,” Pete greeted his adoptive father warmly. “We were talking about Jason.”
“Mmm. Walking zombie?” the man asked as he got a glass of orange juice for himself.
“Yeah. He walked in, got some juice, and walked right back out again,” Pete informed him. “He was only wearing boxers. It was like he didn’t see us.”
“I’ll talk to him in a little bit,” Kevin promised. “Give him a little more time to sleep.”
My mother said, “I didn’t realize he and David were that deeply involved,” as she poured batter on a skillet. “They weren’t together very long.”
“Since… April? May?” I looked at Pete.
“May, about two weeks before graduation,” he confirmed with a nod. “So, that makes it four months.”
“That’s still not very long,” Mom commented.
“It’s long enough,” Pete said, slightly defensive in tone.
“Peter,” Mom started testily, “I’m not attacking Jason. I’m simply saying that they weren’t together for very long.”
“Four months isn’t long if you’ve been married for twenty years, but Jason’s eighteen. That makes it a long time.”
“Hush, you two,” Kevin chided gently, interrupting the budding argument. “It doesn’t matter how long it’s been. Jason and David were emotionally involved. That’s all it takes.”
My boyfriend and my mother allowed their disagreement to subside.
I got up, took my dishes to the dishwasher, and then minced my way to the bathroom. I could feel my mom’s eyes on me until I disappeared from her line of sight. I knew she had questions about why I was hurting, but if she asked, I would tell her the same thing – that I was sore from the game.
The time Pete and I had spent together the night before was magical. Although I was in pain, I felt it would subside quickly. I had never dreamed that the experience could be so special, nor the effects so far reaching. The afterglow had not worn off by morning, and the entire event had left me high. My relationship with Pete had expanded and deepened emotionally to a level I had never experienced before. I felt closer to him than I ever had in the entire time we’d been together. I didn’t want to let him out of my sight, or let him get beyond arm’s reach. My desire was to take him into our room, wrap myself around him and never let him go.
Pete met me in our room and we decided to curl up and take a nap, so I got part of my wish.
When we woke up, it was well after noon. We stirred slowly, loathe to leave our comfortable surroundings for any reason. However, my mother made the choice for us when she knocked on our door.
“Are you two decent?” she called, waiting for us to reply. Apparently Pete’s admonition of the week before had stuck.
“Hold on, Mom,” I called. “We’ll be out in a minute.”
“I’ll be in the kitchen,” she responded before walking away.
I rolled over and gave Pete a kiss. “C’mon, babe. We better get moving.”
“Yeah, yeah. I know,” my boyfriend carped as he rolled out of bed.
I took a quick glance outside and found the day to be overcast. The window was cold to the touch.
“Looks like jeans weather,” I commented while searching for my shorts.
“Yeah,” Pete sighed. “Summer could be over.”
“I hope not. I hate cold weather.”
“You’re living in the wrong place then.”
Two steps took me to his side and I wrapped my arms around him. He looked down at me with mild surprise.
“I don’t think so,” I whispered.
He smiled and turned into me, kissing me hard.
“What are you boys doing in there?” my mom called a few moments later.
“Uh, we’re almost ready,” I replied, sharing a sly smile with Pete.
“Hurry up! There are things that need to be done, and I’m not going to wait all day for you.”
“We can only hope,” Pete whispered just loudly enough for me to hear.
I laughed and tagged him in the arm.
“What was that?” Mom called again.
“Nothing! We’ll be right out.” When I heard her walk away, I said to Pete, “You’re so bad.”
“Isn’t that why you love me?” he asked with an ingratiating smile.
“One reason,” I admitted lightly.
“You’ll have to tell me the others later.”
“We’ll see. Now zip up your pants before she breaks the door down.”
Mom gave us a laundry list of chores that she wanted us to do while she took care of some other business. Fortunately, the horses that once occupied the pasture had been sold shortly after Pete’s grandparents had died, so mucking out their stalls was not on the list. What was on the list was cleaning up the straw that still littered the barn floor, mowing the area around the house, and cleaning out the fifth-wheel trailer. The last item confused me for a moment since it hadn’t been used in over a year, but then I realized that it would make a perfect mini-apartment for Jason.
Ray unwillingly helped us rake and sweep up the barn floor, and then called the mowing job as we finished. Pete acquiesced immediately, and that made Ray suspicious.
“Why didn’t you argue for it?” he asked warily.
“Because you wanted to do it, and Brian and I can work together on the trailer.”
“You can suck face, you mean.”
“That too. Oh, Ray? When you mow, don’t forget the field in the back of the house, and don’t forget to keep emptying the bag before it gets too full. If you don’t, you won’t be able to lift it.”
“Sure. Whatever.”
“The field behind the house?” I asked quietly while Ray stalked off to the shed.
“Yeah. It’s only two acres or so, and there isn’t any grass in the apple orchard.”
“Two acres? That’ll take hours!”
Pete took my hand and led me toward the RV garage. “Nah. The riding mower is pretty good. Shouldn’t take that long. Now let’s get the trailer taken care of so we can take a ride. If you’re up to it.”
“Ride? As in motorcycle?”
“Yeah. There is a place I want you to see, and I just realized I haven’t gotten around to showing you, yet.”
“I’d like that.”
The trailer was in good shape when we started. I told Pete what I thought my mom was planning, but he disagreed.
“Jason needs to be with us right now, not alone. I don’t know if your mom talked to Dad about it, but he doesn’t need this.”
“Well, she’s certainly not doing it for us,” I noted. “There’s no way she would let us move out here.”
“I know. I’m sure we’ll find out soon enough,” said Pete, seemingly unconcerned.
We finished in the trailer just after Mom returned from her errands. We asked her if she needed any help, and she said she was fine.
Pete rummaged around in the utility room and came up with two radios. After making sure the batteries were fresh, he gave one radio to my mom and told her we were going for a ride, and to call us if she needed us.
Ray was still mowing when Pete and I rode by on our way out, and we waved to him. He flipped us off with both hands as we passed, his face sour. I knew he wouldn’t be so quick to volunteer to mow the north forty again.
Pete led me on a gentle ride through the forested low hills that dominated the property. He went slowly in certain areas, occasionally pointing out a place or stopping somewhere for a few moments to tell me about when he had found it. Our ride ended up at the bank of a creek that fed into a pond. He shut off the engine of his bike and leaned it against a tree that showed signs of being used for just that purpose many times in the past.
He walked a little way to a grassy outcropping that overlooked the stream. He sat on the ground, leaning against an alder tree, and had me sit in front of him. I leaned back into him and he wrapped his arms around me. We were quiet for a little while, listening to the water burble happily along its banks. When he spoke, Pete’s voice was low.
“My grandpa told me about this place about a week after I got here. He and I came here once on the horses. This place right here is the reason they bought the property. I don’t know if Mother knew about it or not, but if she did, she never looked for me here. I used to come out here to get away from her. After my grandparents took me in, I would ride out here until she left. Gramma would call me in with the radio when she drove off, and I would ride back. Sometimes it was close to midnight before she would leave. If I got too tired, I would ride into the orchard, leave the bike there, and go into the trailer to sleep, but my mom heard me one night, not too long before I moved in with Grandpa and Gramma. It got ugly.
“Curt happened to be with her that night.” I squeezed his arms in sympathy, and he hugged me back. “They saw me walk into the garage. Thank God Curt called me out before he trapped me in there. If he hadn’t…. Anyway, he started yelling at me, calling me a fag, a cocksucker… you know. I started yelling back at him, calling him a bigot. I’d had it with him and wanted it to end, one way or another.
“Curt started chasing me around the house after I called him a fucking ignorant bastard son-of-a-bitch. He said he was ‘going to kill you, you queer little fuck’ and followed me around the house. He almost caught me a few times, but I managed to keep out of his reach.
“As I was back by the workshop and came around front again, he caught me by my collar, almost like Joe did you that time?”
I nodded and shuddered at the memory. If I hadn’t slipped out of my jacket, the man might have murdered me.
“Curt rabbit punched me and spun me around before hitting me on the cheek. I thought he was going to kick me, but he didn’t. When I looked up, I saw Curt backing away from me with his hands in the air. I looked up and saw Grandpa holding a shotgun pointed at Curt’s chest. I swear I thought I was in a movie.
“Grandpa said, ‘If you ever lay a hand on my grandson again, I will shoot you dead.’ Curt tried to talk him down, playing the tough guy, you know? He took a step toward me and Grandpa, and Grandpa jacked a round into the chamber and said, ‘You’re trespassing. Get off my property.’ It was the most beautiful scene. I wish I had it on tape.”
“I’m sorry you had to go through all that, Pete.”
Pete hugged me again. “Me too, Bri. But it got us here, so it must’ve been worth it.”
He sounded like he was trying to convince himself. I didn’t reply, wondering if that was the truth; wondering why Pete had to be subjected to such a brutal situation; wondering if what I gave him was really worth the price he paid to get it.
“Imagine what it would be like with no Curts in the world,” I said with a sigh. “No one to hate us, no one to hassle us if we hold hands or kiss…. It would be so nice.”
“That’s not going to happen in our lifetime, Brian,” Pete responded stony tone. “There’s too many people who hate.”
“We could find a place where no one cares, though. California….”
“People still care, and they still hate. Would you have wanted to come out at school down there while you were still there? Can you imagine what it would have been like with Brent? He’d have beat your ass every day. And those guys on the wrestling team? What if they had known?”
“They beat me up for jumping in with Mac anyway. It wouldn’t have made a difference.”
“Brian, I don’t want to come out.”
“I know, babe,” I said quietly. “I understand, and if that’s what you want, then we won’t until we both feel it would be all right.”
“Whenever that is…” Pete carped. “I don’t know what to do, Brian. Curt, Joe… It scares me.”
“I understand that, Pete.”
“Do you?”
I looked back at him. “As much as I can. Like you said, I haven’t been there.”
The radio crackled. “Pete? Brian? Can you hear me?”
I sighed and got the radio off Pete’s bike.
“Yeah, Mom, what’s up?”
“Where are you?”
“We’re in the back part of the property.”
“Oh. Well, come home. We’re going to have dinner soon.”
“Okay, we’re on our way.”
I put the radio back in its place and sighed again. Pete came up behind me and embraced me. I leaned into him for a moment before we rode back toward the homestead.
Pete helped my mom finish preparing dinner as much as he could while Ray, Dawn and I set the table. There was no evidence that Jason had made an appearance the entire day. I was tempted to go in and talk to him, but when I talked to Kevin, it was decided, against my better judgment, that it would be best to let him be for the moment.
We had survived a full week without my father’s presence. He had called us every night as promised, and we tried to keep him informed of what was happening, but as the week wore on, I found I had less and less to tell him. By Thursday night, our conversation consisted of, “Hello” and, “Talk to you tomorrow,” with little in between. We spoke a bit longer on Sunday night when Pete and I told him about our game, but when Monday rolled around, it was more of the same minimal conversation.
School continued to keep us busy. Between our mounting homework load and football, Pete and I were running in a constant state of fatigue. Coach Folds was working us hard, shuffling people through positions and finding the best combinations possible. It turned out that Beck, Krogh, Tomas and I stayed together as the linebackers for our defense. Pete was running the X-Receiver patterns for the offense, and Sterling Beckett maintained his position as starting quarterback. Eddie Lasko was shifted from quarterback to the Z-Receiver. I heard him and Coach Folds arguing about the changes when they were announced. The only thing that stopped the yelling was the coach threatening to kick Lasko off the team outright instead of simply moving him to a receiver position. I privately thought that he should be off the team, regardless of his ability, simply for the disrespect he showed the coaches.
We woke up on Friday morning early enough for me to run to school. Pete wasn’t up to running the five miles in, being more comfortable with shorter distances. I got myself ready for a run in the rain and set aside the clothing Pete would bring to school for me to change into. Pete decided it wasn’t time for him to get out of bed and drifted off to sleep just as I was leaving. I kissed him on the forehead and brushed the hair out of his eyes. A small smile crossed his face and he sighed, falling deeper into his sleep. I grinned and tiptoed through the house so I wouldn’t wake Ray or Jason on the way out.
Once I was out the door, I began to question my sanity as I watched the first good rainstorm of the season pour out of the sky. After a brief hesitation, I set off down the driveway into the early-morning darkness, ignoring the water as it rolled off my reflective vest and rain gear. The only part of me that got really wet was my feet, as I splashed through the puddles and the runoff from the road. An occasional car hit standing water as it passed and sprayed me, but I paid it no mind. My brain had retreated into the refuge, the state of total focus, the place where my body ran on instinct and muscle memory without conscious direction. It remained there until I arrived at school.
The locker room was deserted when I got there except for Coach Sarvino. He came out of his office shortly after I walked in. He stared at me as I pulled off my slickers and vest, trying to avoid getting more soaked as I did so. I was sharply aware of the man’s scrutiny. His assurances not withstanding, his knowledge of the truth made me nervous. I finished taking off my running gear before I glanced his way. When I looked at him, his expression was inscrutable.
“Something you wanted, coach?” I asked tentatively.
“I was just thinking that you have to be the strangest kid I’ve met in the last ten years.”
“How’s that?” I inquired lightly.
“How far do you live from here?” he asked in return.
“Five or six miles.”
“And how often do you run in?”
“Two, sometimes three times a week,” I informed him with a shrug. “Why?”
“Kellam, how many other people do you see running in to school, much less in a storm?”
Confused, I responded, “Why should what other people do matter? I’m happy running.”
“You have phys ed last period and practice after that. Don’t you think that’s enough to subject your body to?”
“No, not really. My body likes the exercise. I get antsy if I don’t work out every couple of days.”
Sarvino gazed at me for a moment, and then asked, “What kind of grades do you get, Brian?”
“I have a four point. Why?”
“How do you find time for everything and everyone? It seems as though you’d have no time left, with all you do.”
“I make time, coach. I’m not as rigid as it sounds. I skip days here and there depending on what’s going on.” I casually looked around for anyone else that might be near us and found the locker room still empty. “Trust me. I make time for the important people in my life.”
“Good for you, Brian. A lot of kids your age don’t. They’re too wrapped up in finding out who they are and trying to assert their independence.”
“Well, I kind of did that over three years ago.” In response to his quizzical expression, I said, “It’s a long story, but the quick version is, Pete and I were separated by our parents. I didn’t take it well and ended up moving in with some friends. I didn’t speak to my parents voluntarily for over two years.”
The teacher gave a low whistle. “Must be some story. I’d like to hear it sometime, if you wouldn’t mind.”
“I’ll have to ask Pete, but if we have an hour sometime, sure.”
The door to the locker room opened, announcing my boyfriend’s arrival. He involuntarily paused when he saw the two of us talking, before approaching warily.
“Morning, Patterson. Good game on Saturday,” Coach Sarvino said with a nod.
“Thanks, coach,” Pete said hesitantly. “Here are your clothes, Brian. Your mom told me to remind you that you have an appointment tonight.”
“Oh, crap. I completely forgot. Coach, I’m going to have to leave practice early. I have an appointment at the university hospital.”
“Everything okay, Kellam?” Sarvino asked with real concern.
“Sure. Just a follow-up I can’t miss. I’ll tell Coach Folds before the end of the day.”
“That’s okay. I’ll let him know. Get your shower and get warmed up.”
“Thanks, coach,” I said to the man’s back as he walked away.
“I have something I need to do,” Pete said. “I’ll see you third.”
“Okay,” I sighed.
Pete gave me an inscrutable look and then walked away, leaving me holding the bag containing my clothing. Shrugging to myself, I went to my locker and took off my running gear before entering the showers and letting the hot water warm me up. I was leaning against the wall with my arms on the wall above my head, enjoying the sensation of the water pouring over my body. When I decided it was time to get out, I washed my body and hair one more time and turned off the water. Standing at the exit to the locker room blocking my way stood Todd Langley, Eddie Lasko and Lee Krogh.
The three of them watched me approach, with smirks on their faces. I stopped with enough room between us that I could move if I had to, and tried to contain the annoyance I felt at their presence.
Facing them with no self consciousness about me, I said with remarkable patience, “Excuse me, please. I have to get ready for class.”
Eddie’s smirk became a grim smile. “You better watch yourself, Kellam. I know you got me canned, and you’re not going to get away with it.”
“Eddie, it was Coach Folds’ decision. I had nothing to do with it. Now please move.”
I walked toward them. Eddie stiff-armed me in the chest, stopping me. “You and I have a score to settle, Kellam.”
“Lasko! What are you doing?” came Coach Sarvino’s bellow. “Let him out of there!”
“Later, Kellam,” Eddie said his evil grin matching those of his accomplices.
“Yeah, see you around,” Langley spat as he walked away. Krogh just walked away with a malevolent glare that promised trouble to come.
I shook my head and grabbed my towel, wondering, How do I get myself into these things? Without looking back, I started drying myself as I walked to my locker. A moment later Sarvino turned the corner.
“What was that about?” he demanded.
“They seem to think that I’ve done something to them, and they came to tell me that I was going to pay for whatever it was I did,” I said in an even tone as I continued sopping the water from my body. “I’m not worried about it, coach. I’ve dealt with this kind of thing before.”
“Hodges?” Sarvino asked, referring to the now-graduated wrestler I had differences with the year before.
“Hodges,” I agreed, “and others before I came to Portland.”
“You attract this kind of thing often, Kellam?”
“It sure seems like it, but I don’t know why,” I responded as I slipped into my underwear. “I suppose I’m not the most lovable person in the school, but I don’t go out of my way to bother people, either.”
The man pursed his lips. “I’m going to tell Mr. Johnson. He needs to know.”
“If you have to,” I sighed. “He’s gonna love to hear this. We… um… got to be rather close last year.”
Sarvino looked at me. “Spent a lot of time in his office?”
I nodded. “Not all of it was my fault. Mrs. Wheeler wanted me to do something out of bounds and I refused. She didn’t want me to come back to her class, so I didn’t.”
“Anyone ever tell you you’re blunt, Brian?”
“Blunt? Not using that word, no, but there are those who would say I am.”
I pulled on my pants and shirt while Sarvino watched me. It seemed he had more to say, so I waited.
“There is such a thing as being too blunt.”
“I know that… but at the same time, I’m not going to hide what I feel. I have no reason to hide. I mean, outside of the obvious. I just tell it as I see it. If I’m wrong, I admit it.”
“Well, just the same, be careful,” he said, turning away.
“I won’t start a fight, coach, but if I get jumped, I’m not going to let them pound me.”
“You know the policy, Kellam. You fight, you’re off.
“Not much I can do about it, but I do think it’s unfair to punish someone for defending himself,” I commented mildly.
“We can’t tell who starts these things. It would be your word against his.”
“And what’s happened so far…”
“Isn’t relevant. Don’t get in a fight, Kellam.”
“I’ll avoid every fight I start.”
Coach Sarvino looked at me for a moment, and I met his gaze calmly. I was having mixed emotions about the man telling the vice principal that there was a good possibility of me getting into a fight this early in the school year. As I finished dressing, I decided I should probably talk to Mr. Johnson myself.
I found the man standing outside the main office watching the students hurry through the hall on the way to who knew where. He saw me approach and smiled.
“Well, Mr. Kellam. To what do I owe the unexpected pleasure of your company?”
“Hi, Mr. Johnson. I need to talk to you for a minute, if you have the time?” I asked genially. “It could be important.”
“It so happens that I do have a minute to spare. Come on in.”
I followed the man through the door and into his small office. He motioned for me to sit in one of the chairs and then shut the door behind him.
“What can I do for you, Brian?” he asked as he sat down. “Did you have a good summer?”
“Yeah, we had a good summer. You’ll probably be hearing from Coach Sarvino sometime today, but I wanted to tell you first. There is the possibility that I may have to defend myself in the near future.”
He stared at me. “What seems to be the issue this time?”
“Certain people want to blame me for something that happened that made them angry, and now they want to take it out on me.”
“This has nothing to do with coming out, does it?”
“No, sir. We decided that we’d wait. This is something else.”
“I don’t suppose you’d like to give me more details, would you.”
“I’d rather not. I don’t want to give these guys a reason to call me a narc and make things worse. I don’t know what Coach will tell you, though.”
“Never a dull moment with you around, is there?”
“I don’t mean to cause trouble,” I said petulantly. “It’s not like I go out looking for it.”
“Whining, Mr. Kellam?”
“Me? Whine? No. My… um… adversaries do enough of that on their own.”
“Do what you can to avoid them and a confrontation. I will talk to Mr. Sarvino and see what can be done.”
“Thank you, Mr. Johnson. I really don’t want any trouble.”
“I know you don’t, Brian. Go get ready for class. I will be in touch.”
I walked out of the office and found that my luck, which never seemed to run well in any case, had not improved. Jesus and Tomas Garza were standing right across the hall from the office, arguing loudly in their parents’ tongue. They both saw me leave the office, and I knew it was only a matter of time until word I’d been there made it to Lasko and his crew. I shook my head and kept on walking toward my locker. Tomas caught up to me as I was getting my books in preparation for my first-period writing class.
“Hey, Brian.”
“Hi, Tomas. What’s up?”
“You know… the usual bullshit with Jesus,” he said dismissively. “What about you? Saw you come out of the office. Everything cool?”
“Pretty much. Just taking care of some business.”
“Like…”
“Like never mind, dude. I got it covered.”
“Oh, okay. You and Patterson cool?” Tomas asked casually.
“Yeah, pretty much. We’ve agreed to disagree. We live with each other so we kind of have to make it work.”
“You guys are going to have to tell me how your families got together. It’s weird with you being new and everything, and your family not knowing Pete’s family. How’d you guys hook up?”
A shudder ran through my body, and I hoped Tomas had not noticed. I shut my locker door.
“It’s a long, ugly story, Tomas. I have to get to class. I’ll talk to you later.
I walked away without giving him a chance to respond, hoping I didn’t seem too evasive. He was asking for a conversation that I couldn’t have with him, and if he pushed the issue, I wasn’t sure what I would do.
I made it to class and saw Lasko’s crew on the wall across from the door. They were obviously watching for me.
I shook my head and muttered, “I can’t catch a break.”
“Have a nice chat with Johnson, Kellam?” Lasko asked scathingly. “Did you run and tell him we were picking on you or something?”
“No, actually. Your name was never mentioned as I recall,” I said airily. “I had something important to discuss with him.”
I couldn’t resist putting the emphasis on the word ‘important’, implying that Lasko was not. I entered the classroom before Eddie could figure out he’d been insulted.
“What a great fucking way to end a week,” I bitched to myself as I sat down for class.
Copyright Notice - Copyright ©2004 by DeweyWriter Ltd.
This story is copyrighted by the author and the author retains all rights. This work may not be duplicated in any form, physical, electronic, audio, or other forms known or unknown without the author’s express written permission. All applicable copyright laws apply and will be enforced.