Chapter Five
As the week wound on, Pete accepted that the situation was not going to explode in our faces. Coach Sarvino treated us the same way he had before he overheard me slip up, and he never let on that he knew we were together. That more than anything laid Pete’s fears to rest.
Practices were brutal, leaving everyone bruised and battered. Coach Folds was furious with the offense for their poor performance on the previous Saturday and set them to run plays against the defense from beginning to end all week. He told us to hit them at game speed to keep them on their toes. I wasn’t certain that his method was going to accomplish what he wanted, but I did it anyway.
Eddie Lasko was now officially back-up to Sterling Beckett, whose performance had been excellent; he simply hadn’t had any support from the offense. Eddie, of course, didn’t take the demotion well, nor did his friends. Folds had to threaten senior tackle Blake Scoggins with the bench before he would do anything to protect Sterling from the blitzing defensive backs, and then he did so only half-heartedly. Todd Langley, who was running the “X” receiver patterns, came into my zone with regularity. Most of the time he didn’t get the ball, but when he did I hit him hard like the coaches wanted me to, taking no special pleasure in that my target was one of my arch-rivals. Langley, however, made it a point to provoke me every time he came near. I ignored him, but I never turned my back on him. Lee Krogh took his anger out on whoever came into his path, which meant Will Beck took the brunt of the punishment. Jesus Garza was no longer practicing with the varsity squad, and he made no secret of his rage, telling anyone who came near how he was a victim of discrimination. His brother told him to shut up in a rather forceful manner, reminding him that if he played half as well as he shot his mouth off, he’d be a starter.
At Friday’s practice, Coach Folds sat everyone down to watch the game films. After two hours of trying to make us learn from our mistakes, the man turned up the lights and spoke to us.
“Tomorrow you go against Crestview. They are rated number one in our conference. If you work together, you can beat them. If you play like you did last week, there is no way in hell you’ll even come close.
“Let me make something clear to all of you. If you repeat your piss-poor performance, there will be some major changes made from the top down. You are a team. Play like one.”
He let his words sink in for a moment, and then continued, “That’s it for today. Remember what I said – I will do what I must to find a team that works together. Now get out of here.”
Pete held my hand on the drive home, squeezing it every now and then, but remaining silent. I didn’t say anything either, being afraid to disturb his thoughts. He’d been rather pensive since we’d had our disagreement, and when I asked him what was going on, he said he was thinking. I didn’t quite know what to make of it.
It was seven o’clock when we got home. Mom had dinner waiting for us. As we ate, I caught Pete watching me out of the corner of his eye.
“What?”
“What?”
“Pete,” I said quietly, “you’ve been watching me since we got home. Are you going to tell me what’s going on?”
“Why does anything have to be going on?” he answered. “Can’t I watch you for no particular reason?”
I pretended to think about it for a moment.
“I guess so, but you’re making me nervous. Why are you watching me?”
Pete replied, “Because I like to.” I rolled my eyes and he continued, “What? You don’t think you’re worth looking at?”
“Not especially.”
“Why not?” he demanded lightly. “Bri, look at yourself in the mirror sometime. Trust me, you are definitely worth watching.”
“Stop it.”
“Look, Bri, you’ve got a body that everyone is jealous of. Yeah, I know you worked hard for it – and so do they – but that doesn’t mean they can’t be envious of your build. Actually, I kind of like them being jealous of what I have.”
I peered at my boyfriend. Somehow, his statement contradicted his concern about being outed. I said nothing and continued eating. My silence was not lost on Pete.
He said, “Brian, you don’t know how proud I am of you. You’ve done so much in such a short time. You’ve changed a lot since the beginning of summer, even.”
When I still didn’t answer, Pete changed tack once again, and took my hand.
“Bri, do you know how lucky I feel to have you with me? You could have anyone you wanted -- guy or girl – but you want to stay with me.”
“Of course I want to be with you,” I responded, a hint of annoyance in my tone. “Why would you think I’d want anyone else?”
Pete sat back, pondering my question. “I don’t know. It crosses my mind every now and then.”
Frowning, I turned to face him and asked, “Why?”
He swallowed and then looked away.
“Because, Bri. You… you don’t need me to help you anymore. You have everything worked out. You know… your past… what happened after I… after Mother took me away.”
“Where is this coming from, Pete?”
He hesitated. “I don’t know, exactly. Maybe what happened Monday night. I’m starting to realize that I’m not as squared away as I thought I was, or think I should be.”
“It’s starting to come back, isn’t it?” I inquired. “You’re remembering more and more?”
Pete nodded, still not meeting my eyes. He stared at his plate, pushed his food around for a moment longer, and then stood.
“I’m not hungry,” he mumbled. “I’ll be in the room.”
I watched him take his dishes to the sink and then walk down the hall. Returning my gaze to my own meal, I realized that I, too, had lost my appetite. As I was placing our dishes in the dishwasher, the phone rang, and I answered it.
“Hello?”
“Brian?”
“Hey, Jason. What’s up?”
“Can I talk to Dad? Please?” There was a stress in his voice I’d never heard before.
“Sure. Is…. Are you okay?” I asked with some concern.
“Please, Brian,” Jason pleaded, “just get Dad.”
“Sure. Sure, Jason. Hold on.”
I placed the phone on the counter and raced upstairs to find Kevin sitting at the desk in the study. He looked up as I went in.
“Kevin, Jason’s on the phone. Something’s wrong.”
He picked up the receiver immediately.
“Jason? What’s wrong, son? Whoa, whoa, slow down. He what? Are you safe? Okay, where are you? All right. You wait there and I’ll be there as soon as I can. I love you too, son. Hang tight. I’m on the way.”
Kevin stood and rushed downstairs. I followed him.
“I have to go get Jason,” Kevin informed me quickly. “I’ll be back in about an hour.”
“Is he okay?” I asked as he opened the door.
“He’s safe,” he assured me. “Tell your mom.”
“Okay.”
The door closed and Kevin sped off into the late summer evening.
Pete and I were in our room completing our homework for the weekend when we heard Kevin pull up to the house. I was at the door in a flash with Ray and Pete right behind me.
We watched through the front door windows as Kevin and Jason, illuminated by the garage light, got out of the car and grabbed a box and a suitcase out of the trunk. They walked toward the house, Jason’s eyes down and Kevin’s arm around his son’s shoulders. Pete opened the door for them as they made their way up the porch steps. When he entered the house, I was surprised to see Jason’s eyes were puffy and red, but hard with anger. He stood at the door waiting for his father, careful to avoid meeting anyone’s gaze. Kevin kicked the door shut behind him and walked down the hall, turning left into Ray’s room. The door closed quickly, after Jason mechanically followed his father into the room.
Pete, Ray and I shared a worried glance between us.
“Let’s wait in the living room,” I suggested quietly. “We won’t find out anything until they come out, anyway.”
We sat on the couch, Ray crowding in to sit next to me. It was a measure of his distress that he sat with us instead of taking one of the side chairs. Ray didn’t look at either Pete or me, but it was still plain to us that he was worried. I put my arm around his shoulders and squeezed him briefly. He gave me a wan smile and then returned to brooding. Pete turned on the television as a distraction and I settled in against him, laying my head on his shoulder. Ray sighed and leaned away, resting on the arm of the couch, apparently losing himself in the nonsense blaring out of the TV.
The bedroom door opened a half hour later. Jason and Kevin walked into the living room and each took one of the available side chairs. Pete turned off the television, and all eyes shifted to Jason. He sighed heavily.
“I, uh… Ray, would you mind if I, um… moved in with you? I, um, I won’t be going back to the dorms, so it could be a while.”
“No, bro, not at all,” Ray responded, his voice rough.
“Thanks.”
“What happened, Jason?” Pete asked tentatively.
“I…” Jason sighed again. “I went out to get a bite to eat. David said he was going to go home for the weekend and I said I probably would, too. I think he thought I was gone and didn’t expect me back. Anyway, when I opened the door… David was in bed with someone else.”
Ray yelled, “He what? I’m going to kill that…”
“That’s enough, Ray,” Kevin said quietly, and Ray subsided to an angry mutter.
“So,” Jason continued, his voice shaking, “here I am.”
“I’m sorry, Jase,” I said sincerely. “Really sorry.”
“Me too,” added Pete.
“Thanks, guys,” Jason responded wearily. “I… uh, I think I need to go to bed. Good night.”
“Good night, Jason,” we said simultaneously. The bedroom door closed again a moment later.
Kevin said, “We’re going to go over tomorrow morning to get the rest of Jason’s things. I know you and Brian have a game tomorrow, Pete, and we’ll try to make it back in time for it.”
“I want to go with you,” Ray growled belligerently.
“No, Ray, you’ll stay here. I don’t want to worry about you starting a fight. It will be me and Jason. I said no, Ray!” Ray sat back in a huff, looking away as Kevin continued, “Jason is going to need our help. He’s had a terrible shock and it will take him some time to get over it. He’ll be depressed and angry for a while, so I want each of you to give him all the support you can.”
“Sure, Dad,” Pete answered without hesitation. I nodded.
“Ray?”
“Okay,” he said bitterly.
“Drop the attitude, Raymond,” Kevin said harshly. “I’m not going to put up with it.”
Ray got up and stormed away. We heard him swear before the front door opened and then slammed closed.
The man’s face clouded with annoyance. “I’ll talk to your mom, Brian, and let her know what’s happened, and then I’ll track down Ray and have a talk with him, too.”
As Kevin climbed the stairs, Pete and I went to our room. It was nearly eleven o’clock, and we had a game the next day. We undressed, turned out the light, and climbed into bed. I settled in, scooting back into Pete, forcing him to spoon me. As we lay there together enjoying the closeness we felt, a disturbing sound penetrated the wall across from us. Jason, our big brother, was crying himself to sleep.
I awoke to the most wonderful sensations. When I tried to share the experience with my lover, he gently pushed me back.
“Today is your day, Bri,” he whispered. “Just relax and enjoy.”
After, we lay in bed and cuddled together in silence, letting the emotions wash over us. Pete’s head was resting on my shoulder and his arm was draped over my stomach. I had him pulled tightly against me as we rested, enjoying the warmth of the contact between us.
“Happy birthday, Bri. I love you.”
“I love you, too, babe. Thank you for the wakeup call.”
Pete chuckled. “You’re welcome. I thought you might like it.”
“Like it?” I craned my head to look at him. “I loved it. You can wake me up like that anytime you want.”
“I just might do that,” Pete replied with a smile. Then he sighed, “We’re going to have to get moving, Bri. It’s after nine and we have a game today.”
“Yeah. Shower?”
“Shower.”
A half hour later we were in the kitchen ransacking the fridge for our breakfast. Pete had pulled out the eggs and was beating them up for some omelets while I pulled out the bacon and cheese. I watched him move around the kitchen, smiling to myself. I felt so lucky to have him in my life. The problems we faced were nothing as long as we kept our love strong.
One by one, the residents of the house appeared in the kitchen, lured by the aroma of food and coffee. When my mother arrived, she kissed my cheek and wished me a happy birthday before taking over the chef duties, allowing Pete and me to eat our breakfast together. We had to hurry because the junior varsity game started at eleven and we were expected to be there to support them.
As we were leaving, Kevin asked, “When do you want to test for your license, Brian?”
“I don’t know when I’ll have the time, with practice and all,” I replied. “I’ll see if I can miss next Monday’s practice. Hopefully I can get in. I’ll let you know tonight or Monday.”
“Sounds good. Good luck. We’ll see you after the game.”
“Thanks, Dad,” Pete answered. After gathering our gear, we were out the door.
“I’ll give you your gift tonight when we’re alone. I don’t think that it would be appropriate to share it with the rest of the family,” Pete said with a mischievous grin.
“I thought you gave me my gift this morning,” I said.
“Oh, no. That was just because. I have something special in mind for later.”
“Mmm. I like the sound of that.”
Pete smiled and glanced at me, his eyes filled with love. “I hope you like it.”
I took his hand. “If it’s from you, I know I will.”
“You’re so sweet, Bri.”
“I try – you deserve it.”
We pulled up to the school and went to our place in the stands to watch the JV game. Will and Tomas were already there. We came up on them just as the coin toss was taking place.
“Happy sixteen, stud,” Tomas said as we sat, patting me on the back. “How does it feel?”
“No different, really. I’m really psyched up for the game, though.”
“You get psyched up for wind sprints, Kellam,” Will injected. “I’ve never seen you not psyched up, even when you and Patterson here were arguing. What was that about anyway?”
“Just some home issues,” Pete responded quickly. “My family moved in with his. My dad is getting a divorce and we had to sell the house.”
“Oh, man. Sorry to hear that, Pete,” Will said sincerely. “I’ve been there. If you ever want to talk, give me a call.”
“Thanks, Will. I might do that.”
“So you guys are rooming together?” asked Tomas.
“Yeah,” I answered. “It’s not too bad. It’s a big house but there are a lot of people living there. My parents and sister, Pete’s dad and brothers. Eight of us in a five bedroom. My only complaint is that he snores.”
Pete cuffed me on my head, grinning as he did so. Terry Green gripped my shoulders as he sat down behind us, squeezing them powerfully.
“How ya doing, killer?”
I shrugged in an attempt to remove myself from his grasp. “I was doing fine until you tried to rip my arms off, asshole. I need those!”
Terry grinned, and I returned it.
“Happy b-day, Brian,” Beckett said with a pat on my abused shoulder.
“Thanks, Sterling.”
“Today your birthday, Kellam?” Green asked curiously.
“No,” I said caustically. “I’m paying all these guys to make you think it is.”
“Hey – don’t get smart with me, pee wee,” Terry said, his grin widening. “Shut up and sit down. The game’s starting.”
He held out his fist and I knocked it.
I felt good. I was surrounded by my friends, who genuinely liked me for who I was. There were no expectations, no requirements, just an easy friendship built around a common interest. What made it even better was that I had my boyfriend sitting right beside me.
Toward the last half of the first quarter Eddie Lasko’s crew arrived. They made an obvious point of sitting behind us. Terry, Tomas, and Will made it plain that they wouldn’t tolerate any bullshit when they moved up a seat, putting themselves between Sterling, Pete and me, and Lasko, Langley and Krogh. Contemptuous sneers passed from one group to the other.
“Figures,” Krogh said loudly. “Kellam’s hiding behind his protectors.”
“Just let it pass, Bri,” Pete said softly.
“I have no intention of letting them upset me,” I said loud enough for Krogh to hear. “It’s a waste of energy.”
Lee Krogh said something else, but I didn’t catch it because the crowd in the stands let out a cheer as our defense intercepted a pass, positioning us within easy striking distance of the goal line.
When halftime arrived, we got up as a group and walked toward the locker room. We paused long enough to let Lasko’s group pass us so we wouldn’t have to keep looking over our shoulders. We waited outside until the JV squad came out for the second half, gave them some encouragement as they passed, and then went in to get ready for our own upcoming contest.
Coach Folds abandoned his normal pre-game routine and called out the starting positions like a roll call before he spoke to us. Pete and I were starting again.
“Listen up! Starters, on your feet.” He waited a moment for us to comply and then continued, “None of you, not one, has a lock on your position. Whether you play or not, today or in the future, is completely dependent on your performance. If there is a freshman who is playing better than you, he gets the job. Sit down.”
There was some murmuring as we waited for him to continue.
“I know that some of you are disappointed, and that some of you are angry or insulted that you aren’t starting. Consider this a test of your character. There are eleven people on the field at a time, not one. None of you are indispensable. You pull up your pants, be a part of the team, and then you’ll get to play. Now let’s get out to the field and warm up.”
Game time arrived. Terry and Tomas won the toss for us, and we elected to receive. From the very first play we knew we were in trouble. Their defense was slicing through our offensive line as if they weren’t there. Sterling was sacked three times in the first possession, and the punt on fourth down was blocked.
On defense, we were more evenly matched, but the speed in their backfield still gave them an advantage, making our jobs as linebackers that much harder. We managed to stop their advance on our own six-yard line, allowing them only a field goal instead of a touchdown.
Coach Sarvino called us all over immediately following the goal, telling us to take a knee.
“All right, we’re going to have to make some adjustments. They like running, so we’re going to stop ‘em. Linemen, you have to push back. You’re getting moved all over the place. We’re going to platoon to keep you as rested as possible. Backs: Krogh, you’re at Sam. Beck, you’re at Mike. Kellam, Will. Garza, Rover. We’re going to run this by the seat of our pants and see how we do. Garza, you’re making the calls. If I have something special, I’ll let you know. Corners, Safety, you’ll have to cover the gaps left by the blitz. Questions? Okay. Get ready.”
I stood just in time to see Sterling release the ball down the field right before he got leveled. I was too short to see what happened on the other end of the pass, but the roar of the crowd behind us gave me an idea. Sterling bounced right up and trotted down the field. I could see the grin on his face from thirty yards away.
A fist came down on my shoulder pad. I turned my head and saw Tomas leading Will Beck by the facemask. He pulled Will down and spoke to both of us.
“Kellam, Beck, you guys are going to be stunting until I tell you different. Mix it up, cross over, double tap, hesitate, whatever. Just remember that they can still throw the ball. Play smart.”
Tomas backed off to talk to Krogh and Will looked at me.
“Time to play, Brian!”
“Time to play, Will!”
We crashed our helmets together and growled, psyching each other up.
“Defense! Get out there and hold them!” Folds yelled from down the line.
We trotted out to our positions and got a nod from Tomas. Beck cast me a glance and I pointed at him, tapping my wrist. He nodded, and we lined up on our gaps, watching the offense for holes we could shoot.
The first play of the series ran toward me. I managed to fill up the opening they were trying to form, but the running back managed to gain three or four yards anyway. The next play resulted in the same thing, but toward Beck’s side of the line. With three yards to go for a first down, I quickly went over to Will.
“Will, double tap out. Go right down the center. Bump and roll.”
He nodded and while I resumed my position, he crept in, tapping each tackle on his outside butt cheek and then backing off a step. When the ball was snapped, each tackle pulled toward the outside, leaving a gaping hole right in front of the center. Will and I each charged him, leaving him with a choice of who to block. He chose Will, leaving me free to crash. The quarterback had his back to me and faked a handoff to the halfback, who ran right into the center and Beck. The fullback got the ball and came straight at me. We met head on, and as I wrapped him up I found that I had one hand on the ball. We fought for control all the way to the ground. The ball squirted out just as I pulled my man down on top of me. A roar went up from the stands as I tried to extricate myself.
When I was finally free, I saw the defense heading off the field to our sideline. A glance at the scoreboard told me that someone had run the fumble in for a touchdown. When I got off the field, Coach Folds grabbed me by the pads and put his face in mine.
“Excellent strip, Kellam! Hell of a job! All right!”
He released me and I staggered away. Will found me next and pounded my pads.
“Thanks for the assist, Brian!”
I grinned. “Any time!”
Our defensive play kept our opponents off balance the entire game, and the touchdown we scored seemed to break their confidence. The game ended with a final score of fourteen to three.
There was some celebrating in the clubhouse as we cleaned up. Coach Folds called us together once more before anyone left.
“Gentlemen, today’s effort was exactly what I’ve been talking about. You worked together as a team, and you won as a team. Everyone did a tremendous job. You should be proud of yourselves.”
The team let out a cheer and then dispersed to the showers.
Tomas, Will, Sterling and Terry invited Pete and me to go out for pizza. Between us we decided to go along, and we had a great time. When we finally made it home, it was getting close to eight o’clock. Everyone was waiting for us around the table in the dining room when we walked in. They began singing immediately, and I sank back into Pete and he wrapped his arms around me. With a shudder, I realized that this was the first birthday in three years that either of my parents had been with me. My embarrassed smile quickly changed into guilty tears.
I pushed away from Pete and wound my way around to where my mother stood. She looked up at me, her expression confused and concerned. I stared at her for a moment and then buried my face into her neck, silently crying. She put her arm around me and hugged me tightly, and then pushed me away so she could see my eyes.
“What’s wrong, honey?” she asked.
“I’m sorry, Mom. I’m sorry that… that…”
She shushed me with her finger. “Honey, it doesn’t matter anymore. We’re a family again, and that’s what’s important.”
She pulled me back into a hug for a moment and then let me go. I turned around and saw everyone watching me. My sheepish apology was accepted with no questions.
The candles were lit and blown out, the cake served and the cards opened. Each person there gave me a hug – even Ray. Pete, Jason and Ray cleaned up while I sat in the family room with thoughts of my father, who was now three thousand miles away. Mom sat beside me and handed me an envelope. It was addressed to me with the word “Son”.
“Your dad wanted to give this to you in person, but things didn’t work out that way. Happy birthday, Brian.”
She kissed my cheek and stared into my eyes for a short moment before rising and walking away.
I opened the envelope carefully and pulled out the single-page letter. It was written in the crisp block letters that my dad used for most things. I began to read.
Son,
I had hoped to tell you this in person, but life seems to conspire against us. More than anything I wanted to be there for your sixteenth birthday because we have missed so much already.
I want you to know that I am proud of who you are, and the man you are becoming. I am proud of the choices you have made, because I know they are right for you. I am thankful that you have finally found your own happiness, and I am thankful that Pete is the one who makes you happy.
You have no idea how much pleasure you bring into my life, son. I watch you from afar when you can’t see me, and count myself blessed. When I can’t be with you, I know that I don’t have to worry; that you will do what you must, and what you feel is right.
Although I am not there with you in person, I am there with you in my heart. I hope that you have had a wonderful day, and I wish I could be there with you to celebrate.
I can think of no one else that I would rather have as my son than you, Brian. You make me proud.
I love you,
Dad
I gently folded the letter and replaced it in its envelope, careful to protect it from the tears falling from my eyes. Hugging myself, I let the pain of the separation wash over me until I felt I didn’t need to cry anymore. Snuffling, I looked around and found Pete watching me. I smiled through the remaining tears and managed to get to my feet. Pete continued watching as I made my way to him. He held his arms out and enveloped me in his embrace, gently stroking my hair as we stood there.
“Are you okay, baby?” he asked.
“Yeah. Just missing Dad.”
We stayed there for a few more moments before Pete released me, taking my hand.
“Come with me, Bri.”
I followed him into our bathroom where he closed the door behind us. Neither of us spoke as he undressed me, and then I him. A shower was run and we gently washed each other, cleaning every nook and cranny with a feather touch. Once done, we stood together under the water until it began to get cold. Pete shut off the flow and then dried me head-to-toe before wrapping the towel around my waist and letting me do the same for him.
My boyfriend ushered me across the hall and into our bedroom, lit by more candles than I could count. I smiled and put my arms around Pete, holding him close. He reached between us and dropped the towels from around our bodies. We stepped over them to the bed, where we sat and kissed deeply. Pete pulled away and knelt before me, a serious expression on his face.
“Bri, I know we talked about this, and I know we agreed to wait, but now… I really want this.”
“You want to… You want me to make love to you?”
Pete nodded, his expression unchanged. “If you still want to wait, then that’s fine, and I understand. It’s your decision.”
I stared into his eyes, taking in just how much this meant to him, and then I made my choice.
“No, Pete. I want you to make love to me.”
I watched his eyes light up. He moved closer and kissed me again.
“You’re sure?” he asked in a whisper.
“I’m sure,” I whispered back. “Love me, Pete.”
“I do, Brian. I do.”
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