Life From A Distance

Ben

Chapter Fourteen

This story is copyrighted by the author and the author retains all rights. This work may not be duplicated in any form, physical, electronic, audio, or any other form known or unknown without the author’s express written permission. All applicable copyright laws apply and will be enforced.

Mom and Dad didn’t have much to say when Ed took me home the following morning. They knew why I had left. It was the same reason I always left. I began thinking that it was only a matter of time before mom and dad split up. The thought filled me with dread. Dad and I didn’t get along very well, but what would life be like without him?

Christmas came and went, followed by New Years. When school resumed after the holiday period, I settled into a routine of following Ian home after classes let out, doing our homework together, and then either staying for dinner or going home for supper with my folks.

Ian’s birthday fell on February 10. He was thirteen. The following Friday his mom and dad held a family party for him, which would be followed by a small party for some of his friends the next day.

I followed him home as usual on that Friday. We didn’t talk much. Ian seemed very nervous as we rode the bus. Every attempt to engage him in conversation was rebuffed or answered with single syllables. When we reached our stop, I confronted him as soon as we were out of earshot.

“Ian, what’s bothering you?” I asked cautiously. “You haven’t said ten words to me since school let out. Did I do something?”

He sighed. “I’m not ready to talk about it yet, okay? I’m sorry.”

“As long as we’re okay.”

“Yeah. As long as we’re okay….”

I found it strange that he repeated my words instead of confirming our relationship had a firm footing. It worried me that there might be something he wasn’t telling me that could have a serious impact on our friendship. Was it finally happening? Was he finally growing weary of me? Did he want to move on without me holding him back?

My paranoia ran wild as I examined everything that had happened since Mike had died. Every incident that had occurred had tested Ian’s patience until he could no longer stomach being around me.

When we arrived at his house, he headed straight back to his room. I deposited myself in the family room. Murray came in a few moments later. He smiled and said hello as he retreated to his own room.

Staring out the sliding glass door into their back yard, I was coming to realize that Ian might be right. It was time to move on. My presence had done nothing but hold him back, and my absence from my own home was perpetuating the rift that had grown between my parents. If I were there more often, then they wouldn’t have the time to fight. I’d have to keep them engaged, either through asking for their help of developing new interests that they could join me in. I knew I had to do something to save our family.

Rayray came in and sat next to me on the couch.

“Hey Ben. How’s it going?” He asked easily.

“Eh. You know. Same ol’ same ol.”

“Heh. That’s the same thing Ian said. Ben? Is there something up with him? He was sitting on his bed staring at the wall. He wouldn’t even look at me.”

Murray’s tone betrayed how worried he was. He was right: this was not the typical behavior of his brother. In fact, it was completely abnormal.

I said, “He isn’t ready to talk about it. At least, that’s what he said on the way home.”

“Well,” Murray commented, “he better get over it soon. Mom and dad are having my aunt’s family over for Ian’s birthday. They have a girl my age. She’s stuck up though. Thinks she’s hot or something.” He rolled his eyes to indicate what he thought of her opinion of herself.

“I guess I should go home then, if you guys have company coming.”

“No, Ian wants you here.” Murray informed me. “He asked mom and dad last night. They said okay. Besides, you might help distract Brittany.”

“Oh, no you don’t, Rayray,” I refused. “You run your own interference. I’m not going to let her get near me.”

“Thanks, Ben” Ray carped. “Some big brother you are, not even willing to help out his little brother.”

“Help, yes. Sacrifice myself, no.” He grinned in response to my smile.

“Well, it was worth a shot.”

“Maybe you should tell her what you think of her,” I suggested. “It might take her down a few pegs.”

“Mom and dad would kill me. Even so… it might be worth it just to see the look on her face. I’ll think about it.”

Ed and Liz arrived home and ordered us to get cleaned up for dinner. When Ian’s aunt and her family arrived, we got in the car and went to Outback Steakhouse, one of Ian’s favorite places to eat. I watched him through the entire meal. He hardly ate at all, listlessly pushing food around on his plate and keeping his eyes lowered. When he caught me watching him he averted his gaze instantly. Something was wrong, and it made me anxious.

The rest of the night passed much the same as dinner. Ian went through the motions required by courtesy, but once everyone left, he retreated to his room again. Ed and Liz seemed as concerned as I was, but neither went out of their way to speak to him, perhaps believing that Ian would work through whatever the problem might be.

Ray and I pulled out some cards and played cribbage for a while, and then Ed and Liz joined us. While we were playing, I had to ask.

“Do you know what’s going on with Ian? He’s been like this all day.”

“No, son.” Ed replied thoughtfully. “We’ve discussed it and we don’t know. Do you have any ideas?”

I shook my head. “Why aren’t you talking to him or something?”

“We’re giving him a chance to work through this on his own,” Ed said. “You’re all growing up, and it’s time that you learned to take care of your own problems. That doesn’t mean we won’t help you, but we’d rather you tried to work things out for yourselves first.”

I stared at Dadtwo for a moment. “I don’t believe you. There’s more to it than that.”

Ed put his cards down. “Ben, what I told you is the truth, and yes, there is more to it. He asked us not to interfere, and that he would deal with it.”

Murray asked, “When did he do that?”

“On Tuesday,” Liz replied. “He said he was struggling with something and needed some time to figure it out on his own. He didn’t say what it was.”

I mulled over her words. “He didn’t ask me not to interfere.” I dropped my cards and stood.

“Ben, this may not be a good idea.” Liz warned.

“He’s my brother. I’m not going to sit here playing cards when I know he’s hurting.” I walked toward the hall, saying, “I can’t do that. I owe him that much.”

I knocked on Ian’s door. Through it, I heard the radio playing. Receiving no response, I knocked again, with more force.

“Go away! I want to be alone!”

“It’s Ben. I’m coming in.”

Suiting words to actions, I opened the door, slipped in and closed it again. The state of his room shocked me. The usually tidy bedroom looked as if it had been struck by a typhoon. Clothes and papers littered the floor. Bedding lay half off the bed and Ian himself was only partially dressed, wearing a shirt and boxers.

“What do you want, Ben,” he asked in a hoarse, strained voice.

“I want you to tell me what is happening in your brain. You have everyone worried.”

“I’m not ready yet,” he rasped.

“So when will you be ready? Are you going to hole up in here until you graduate high school because you aren’t ready to talk about it?”

“Ben…”

“Don’t ‘Ben’ me, Ian.” I sat on the bed and shuffled over to sit by him. “You have been here for me every single minute of every day since Mike died. I want to pay that back somehow.”

“You don’t have to…”

“Yes, I do. It’s part of being a brother, that we’re here for each other no matter what.”

Ian turned to stare into my eyes. I held my gaze steady. With a sigh, he looked away.

“I’ve been doing a lot of thinking since my birthday,” Ian started, his voice barely audible against the radio. I turned it off so I could hear him clearly. “I got to thinking about life. About how much time we really have here with the people we love.

“I never said goodbye to Mike, Ben. The last thing I said to him was something about school. Homework maybe. How stupid is that? The last time I saw him I gave him our homework assignment. When he died…

“When he died, it killed me. I couldn’t let you know because you needed me to be strong for you, to help you deal with him being gone, but as more time passes, I feel worse and worse. I start wondering, what would I do if it was my last day here on Earth? Would it just be life as usual, doing what I enjoyed doing? Would I spend it talking to everyone and saying goodbye?

“I don’t want people to wonder about how I felt or what I thought. I want everyone to know so there are no doubts. I need to tell everyone how important they are to me; how much they mean to me. I need to make sure that everything is taken care of just incase something does happen to me.”

“Ian, I’m sorry.”

His eyes met mine once more. “You’re sorry?”

“Yes,” I admitted. “I didn’t realize how selfish I was, and I’m sorry.”

“You’re being stupid, Ben. You weren’t selfish, you were in pain. We both were.”

Silence fell between us for a few moments. Ian studied his hands in his lap while we sat in thought. When he spoke, it startled me enough to cause me to jump.

“Ben, when I said I need to make sure everything is taken care of, there’s a lot that goes into that. It’s not as simple as it sounds. There is so much to deal with.”

I pleaded, “Let me help you, Ian. Please?”

“I don’t know, Ben. We need to wait and see what happens.”

“What do you mean?”

He again stared at his hands.

“Ben, I have some things I need to tell you, and some things we need to talk about,” Ian said with a glare, his voice hard. “It will change everything.”

A chill ran down my spine as my imagination brought my paranoia to life.