REFUGE

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TO:    Department Heads, Intelligence Services

FROM:  Director, Intelligence Services

RE:    Justinian Thoreau, Jr.

CC:    Office of the Chairman

       Board of Trustees, Refuge

       Board of Trustees, Freedom Township

       Board of Trustees, New Heaven

       Office of the Commander, Defense Forces

       Director, Office for Strategic Planning

 

May 06, 2832CE

 

We have successfully retrieved Justinian Thoreau Jr. from the deposition area.  His injuries have healed and the coma has ended.  He awoke May 05, 2832CE, fully coherent and cognizant of the major events that placed him into our custody.  Thoreau’s apparent partner, Bran Owens, approached the local defense force and inquired about service.  Since both Owens and Thoreau were enrolled in Rangers training, service is guaranteed if they wish to join.

 

I regret that we badly underestimated Thoreau in our preliminary assessment. Initial contact was difficult as Thoreau is understandably suspicious of our motives.  General Mitchell greeted him, and young Thoreau saw right through him to the heart of the matter (My apologies, General). It is obvious to me that the boy has already manifested some of the abilities we have been led to expect based on intelligence reported by our agents in the R&D labs on Heaven.  Thoreau stated our current condition with uncanny accuracy given the limited information he had available to him. 

 

If all is as projected, Thoreau’s evolution has begun and will continue for approximately six months before reaching maturity.  Brain scans have shown greatly increased activity in the parietal and temporal lobes, areas responsible for perception and memory.

 

The mechanism of this change is still not understood.  We know genetic manipulation was involved, but that is all we have.  Details regarding this project are out of our reach for the moment.

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Please bear in mind that, in spite of his capabilities, Thoreau is still a boy and as such has a fragile ego.  We must do our best to keep him in a comfortable place as his abilities continue to develop.  Control of his environment is a major issue with Thoreau, and we will do all we can to bolster that sense of control.

 

I fear that efforts to direct the boy will backfire.  He is already a formidable opponent. His perception and observational abilities make him dangerous.  I recommend informing Thoreau of the truth as soon as practicable.  Without further direction from the Board of Trustees, I will do so at the first appropriate opportunity.

As for Thoreau’s disposition after discharge from the medical center, we will allow him to establish a domicile with his partner.  Even though Bran Owens does not have any special abilities beyond above average intelligence and Ranger training, he is a potent figure in Thoreau’s psyche, and every effort should be made to preserve their relationship.

 

Colonel Thomas Jade,

Director, Intelligence Services

 

 

End of File

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Bran opened the door to our apartment with a flourish and cradled me in his arms.  I banged my head painfully on the door jamb when my boyfriend misjudged our entry.  Rubbing the rising bump, I began to laugh.

 

“Oh, man, Jus, I’m sorry about that.  Are you okay?” Bran asked worriedly.

 

“I’m fine, Bran,” I responded with a chuckle.  “It’s kind of funny, you know?  Nothing we’ve done on this planet so far has been easy or painless.  It’s only right I should have my head split open when we finally get a place to ourselves.”

 

“At least you’re not bleeding,” he stated with a slight smile.

 

A quick run of my fingers through my hair confirmed what he said was true.

 

“No, I’m not, but the day is young!”

 

Bran laughed softly.  It was one of the most beautiful sounds to ever grace my ears.  He stumbled our way through the living area into the single bedroom and set me on the large bed.  Instead of letting him pull away from me as he intended, I pulled him down onto me and kissed him soundly.

 

His initial resistance faded quickly and he melted into my embrace.  My hands roamed his body freely, from running my fingers through his hair down to his hips, holding him against me.  He responded by rolling onto his side and pulling me with him.  My boyfriend broke our kiss gently and pushed me onto my back as he ran his hand over my chest and down my stomach and back again.

 

His fingers found the zipper pull on the jumpsuit I was wearing and gently slid it from my collar to my waist.  I took his hand away and sat up, lowering his zipper as I did so, and removed my clothing.  Bran followed my actions closely, watching my every motion.  When I removed my undershirt he gently traced the round scar my encounter with the lancer had left with me, and then the longer scars on my ribs.  The feel of his fingers on my skin sent a shiver through my body.

 

“Do they hurt, Jus?” He asked quietly.

 

“No.”

 

I looked down and was just as repulsed with what I saw as I had been the first day I woke up.  New pink skin luridly marked the wounds in stark contrast to my normal pale skin tone.  I counted them again in the futile hope some had disappeared, but I still came up with seven.

 

My gaze shifted to Bran.  His body was still perfect, his skin smooth and tanned, his abdomen muscled and tight and limbs rippling.  My heightened senses took in every small detail.  He was the perfect specimen of youth and beauty compared to me and my disfigurements.

 

“Bran, I’m going to say something and I want you to hear me out before you respond, okay?”

 

He nodded, but I knew he was confused as to why I would ask something of him like that when we were standing naked in our own house, able to do as we wanted without threat of discovery for the first time in our lives.

 

“Look at me, Bran,” I said as I indicated my body.  “Get a good close look.”  Seeing his confusion grow, I encouraged him again.  “Go on, look.”

 

Bran explored my body with his hands, his fingers again tracing my scars.  I closed my eyes as he moved further down, caressing me.  He didn’t linger, but that small contact was enough to increase my state of arousal.  When he had completed his examination, I spoke again.

 

“I’m not like you anymore, Bran.  I’m different. These,”  and I touched with revulsion the very scars that seemed to draw his hands, “make me different.”

 

Bran frowned as he tried to decipher my meaning.  Tears came to my eyes and my throat became tight.  I closed my eyes so I wouldn’t have to see what I knew must be coming.

 

“I’m… I don’t want you to feel like you have to be with me.  You don’t have to stay with me since I’m not... since I’m all scarred and ugly.”

 

I kept my eyes closed as the tears ran down my cheeks, exerting every ounce of will in my possession to prevent a complete breakdown.  A soft hand gently grasped my chin and lifted my head.  I kept my eyes closed tightly, not wanting to see the rejection that must be there in his face.

 

“Why would I abandon you?” Bran asked softly.

 

“Because I’m… I’m healed now,” I said with a sigh.  “I don’t want you to stay out of some sense of obligation because I was in the hospital or something.  I’m not an invalid anymore, and I couldn’t live with myself if that was the reason you were staying with me.  I can find another place….”

 

“Jus, open your eyes,” he said, his thumbs briefly touching my closed lids.  Bran’s tone held a note of command he used only rarely.  I did as he ordered.

 

“If you think these,” and he ran his fingers over my scars again causing me to shudder, “are going to make me want to run away, then you don’t know me as well as I thought you did.”

 

“But….”

 

He placed a finger on my lips, silencing me, and then did something I never imagined he would do: he kissed every scar on my body lovingly.

 

“I’m not going anywhere, Jus,” Bran continued softly.  “I didn’t fight this hard just to give up my dream now.  These scars you carry?  I see them as an symbol of your love for me.  You saved my life, Jus.  You saved my life and Jacen’s life, and you almost died doing it.  How could I ever think that you were ugly for just a few scars, Jus?”

 

I shrugged uncertainly.

 

“You may see those marks as ugly, but to me they’re beautiful, just like you.  I love you, Justinian Thoreau.  All of you.”

 

“You’re not just saying that to make me feel better?” I asked brutally.  “If you are, then say so now and I’ll go.”

 

“Jus, you’re not hearing me.  I don’t want you to go anywhere.  You’re right where you belong: by my side and in my arms.  Don’t you ever think that I’m staying with you out of pity.  I’m here because I want to be with you.”

 

Bran kissed me hard and after a moment’s hesitation I responded.  We spent the rest of the day learning again what it was to be in love, to hold someone close, to feel the warmth of a lover with nothing to impede the whole-body contact we both craved.

 

We laughed and cried, climaxed and slept, spoke and let silence fall, all the while in the comfort of each other’s arms. However, I could not shake the image of my disfigured body nor the feelings of inadequacy and self-loathing which plagued my mind through the night.

 

“Please come in, Colonel Jade,” Bran said as he stepped aside.

 

“Thank you.”

 

The man entered our small apartment and took in the sparse furnishings.  I motioned him to sit, and he nodded his thanks.  This was the first contact I’d had with anyone but Bran since I’d been discharged and I found it curious that the colonel was the representative they chose to send when Captain Saunders would have been the more logical choice.

 

Colonel Jade sat watching me as I observed him.  His blue jumpsuit was clean and freshly pressed.  On his shoulders were epaulettes holding four silver bars, indicating his rank.  The insignia on his breast was simple, a bird with talons bared swooping down enclosed in an upside down triangle.  Jade’s face was calm, bearing up to my scrutiny well.  No hint of the man’s thoughts could be seen in his bland expression.  Only one item seemed out of place: an optistor poked out of his breast pocket.

 

The man was not a fool.  I knew from our last encounter that he had been surprised by my reactions, and by the same token, I knew that leaving the information storage device in view was a deliberate choice, not an accident.

 

“Can I get you something to drink, colonel?” Bran asked, breaking the tension that had formed between us.

 

“Water, please.”

 

Bran brought all of us a glass of water and then sat close to me on the couch.  Colonel Jade took a sip from his glass and placed it on the low table between us.

 

“I’ll get right to the point,” the man began.  “On Heaven, the research performed by the government is sometimes contrary to the laws they impose on the citizenry.  There is one project in particular, Project Metis, in which the government genetically altered human embryos, which were then implanted into surrogate mothers.  Once the child was born,  they would be raised by their surrogate until it was time for the government to evaluate the experiment when the child was fifteen years Terran.

 

“Justin, you are the first of these children to reach maturity.”

 

“You lie!” Bran shouted as he shot to his feet.

 

I was stunned. All I could think of at the moment was, I was an experiment?

 

It all made some kind of strange sense though.  My “father” was a highly placed government official, which would make it easier to keep me under observation, and then there was the fact that I was an only child.  I was selected for the Rangers even though my performance hadn’t warranted it.  The changes my mind was going through certainly weren’t normal.  It all added up.

 

I placed my hand on Bran’s arm in an attempt to calm him.  He glanced down at me for a moment and then sat beside me again, seething.

 

“What proof do you have, colonel?” I asked with a calm that I couldn’t find within me, certain that he wouldn’t have brought up the subject if he didn’t have the proof with him.  I couldn’t see where he was going with the conversation yet, but I was sure he would make himself clear soon.

 

Colonel Jade pulled the optistor from his pocket.  “It’s all here.  Everything we’ve been able to smuggle out of Heaven is in this.  But that’s not the only reason I’m here.”

 

“You mean it’s true?” Bran asked me, more than a little alarmed.  “What he said is true?”

 

“Think for a minute, babe.  My parents never had another kid.  They didn’t really take an interest in me, maybe because they knew that they’d lose me.  I got into the Rangers and didn’t really deserve it.”

 

“Coincidence,” Bran asserted.

 

“There’s more, but I can’t really explain it,” I continued.  “It’s like my brain is running at light speed, Bran.  I notice more, I think more quickly, and that’s just since we’ve been here on Wrath.”

 

“But if you were this huge government secret, why did they consign you?” Bran questioned.  “Wouldn’t they have just kept you?”

 

“I can answer that,” Colonel Jade said.  “The whole consignment happened too fast for the government to realize what was happening.  By the time you were outbound to Wrath it was too late to do anything about it.”

 

“But my dad.  Didn’t he know?” I asked.  “He arrested us.”

 

“He knew,” replied the intelligence officer, “but he didn’t care.  He hates what you and Bran are.”

 

“You mean he hates that we love each other,” Bran said savagely.

 

The colonel shrugged and took another sip of water.

 

“Okay, I can believe that,” I conceded after a short pause, “but why are you telling me this?  You said there was another reason.”

 

“Frankly, I’m here to recruit you.  We need your mind to work for us.  You have the ability to take in information at an incredible rate and then put it together to form a coherent picture of what it all means.”

 

“So what?” I asked.  “You have other people to do that for you already with a lot more experience than I have.”

 

“True, but you’d be an incredible asset to us and help our efforts immensely nonetheless.”

 

“And if I say no?”

 

“Then you say no,” Jade said bluntly.  “We’re not going to force you to do something you don’t want to do.  That would be detrimental both to you and to us.  You because we would have to hold you prisoner, and us because we couldn’t trust you.  We really would like to have your cooperation on this, but if you refuse, then that’s it.  You can live your life like anyone else here in Refuge.  It won’t ever be mentioned again.

 

“On that opti is an assessment of our overall capabilities as of this morning as well as the latest intelligence reports from Heaven.  All of this is highly classified, of course, but we trust your discretion.  You need to make an informed decision, and this is how we’re giving you the information to do so.”

 

“I need to think about it.”  I took Bran’s hand.  “We need to think about it.”

 

“What about our training with the Rangers?” Asked Bran.  “If Jus doesn’t do what you’re asking, can we still join them?”

 

“Of course,” replied the colonel.  “As I said, you’re free to live your lives as you wish, in any manner you wish, as civilian or military, but I won’t lie to you.  You would be invaluable to us in any number of capacities.  Please give this serious consideration.”

 

I stood abruptly.  “Thank you for coming, Colonel Jade.  I’ll contact you with our decision.”

 

The older man stood more slowly, his eyes searching my face.

 

“Thank you for your time.  If you have any questions, call me.  My contact information is on the opti.  I can let myself out.”

 

Once the man had shut the door behind him, I walked to the toilet and vomited.  My stomach’s reaction to the colonel’s insistence that I was some sort of creation mirrored the chaos in my mind.

 

“Jus, what’s wrong?”

 

I couldn’t answer Bran vocally, so I waved him off.  After a few more heaves, I rinsed my mouth and returned to the front room.

 

“Sorry,” I said apologetically.  “It just came on, but I feel okay now.”

 

Bran walked over to me and was going to embrace me but I stopped him at arms length with a hand to his chest.  He seemed confused and a bit frightened.  His heartbeat was rapid and he was breathing fast and shallow.  Sweat had broken out on his face.

 

“Do you remember the discussion we had a couple days ago, when you first brought me here?  About me not being like you?” I asked softly.

 

Bran could only nod.

 

“I guess I was more right than either of us thought, huh?”

 

A tear escaped and ran down my cheek, betraying me.  Bran face softened and he smiled slightly as he pulled my arm down to move closer to me.  He then wrapped his arms around me and I leaned my head against his shoulder.

 

“You’re still my Jus,” Bran said quietly.  “It doesn’t matter how you got that way.”

 

“I’m a freak, Bran,” I stated despondently.  “Don’t you care about that?  I’m not human!”

 

He held me tightly and said, “No, I don’t care about that.  If you’re a freak, then you’re my freak.”

 

He released me suddenly and pushed me out to arms length.  His strong hands gripped my biceps, and his expression was deadly serious.

 

“It’s your turn to listen to me, Justinian Thoreau, so pay attention,” Bran said sternly.  “I - love - you.  Every bit of you, from your DNA to the scars you hate.  Get used it, because it’s not going to change.  You’re stuck with me.  And if you say one word about me staying with you because of pity or some obligation I think I have to you, I will mop the floor with your head.  You’re brain may be incredible, but your muscles are pretty scrawny.  I’d have no problem doing it, and you know it.”

 

“You’re sure?  About staying with me?” I asked shakily, a catch in my throat.

 

Bran’s eyes lost their hard edge, which was replaced with anxiety  “Jus, why are you so uncertain?  This was never an issue before.  Nothing has changed.”

 

“Wrong,” I countered.  “Everything has changed.  We’re on a brutal planet. I almost got us killed - more than once.  I’m some sort of genetic monster.  I’m all scarred up and ugly.” I dropped my eyes and softly added, “Neither of us knows what I’m going to be in the future – if I even have a future.”

 

“You’re scared.” Bran stated calmly.

 

“You’re damn right I’m scared!” I all but shouted.  “Don’t I have reason to be?  I don’t know what I am!”

 

I felt tears forming in my eyes again, but there was nothing I could do about it.  Bran saw them and pulled me to him once more, squeezing me tightly.

 

“I know what you are.  You’re a fourteen year old boy that I happen to love.  You’re my best friend.  You’re my lover, and nothing else matters.”

 

He kissed the top of my head.  I pulled away slightly so I could see his face.  What I saw made me break down and cry.  There was no way I deserved even half of the love and support Bran gave me.

 

Brand led me to the couch.  As I leaned into him, Bran shifted so I was half lying on him.  He held me and stroked my hair and face as I continued to cry.  His strength and love quieted my tears, leaving us laying on the couch in each other’s arms.  At some point I drifted off, lulled into a dreamless sleep by the strong steady beating of his heart.

 

“Wake up, Jus.  We need to go to bed.”

 

I opened my eyes and found I was still lying against Bran.  He smiled down at me and brushed a stray lock of hair out of my eyes.  I was filled with a sudden swell of love for this boy who loved me unconditionally in spite of my imperfections and in spite of my inhumanity.

 

“I don’t want to let you go,” I whispered as I tightened my arms around him.

 

“I don’t want to let you go either, Jus, but if I don’t get to the toilet soon, we’re gonna get soaked.”

 

With a groan I lifted myself off of my boyfriend and stood.  Bran followed suit stiffly and staggered toward the bathroom as I stretched.  On the table I spied the optistor  Colonel Jade had left for my perusal.  I stared at the small device for several moments as if trying to read the information with my mind.  Bran flushed his waste and the noise jolted me back into reality.

 

Bran reappeared without his clothing.  I stared at him just as I had the optistor moments before.  His slight smile revealed he’d received the reaction he was hoping for.  No matter how many times I saw his nude body, I still fell into a kind of trance, completely absorbed in the beauty of what I saw.  He approached closer and my eyes wandered his body, finding proof of his excitement.  He took my hand and led me to the bedroom.  I followed without resisting.  Bran unzipped my jumpsuit and began to remove it from my frame, but I stopped him.

 

“Bran, can we turn off the lights?”  My tone held a note of pleading.

 

Sadness filled his loving face.  He gazed into my eyes and ran his hand through my hair and down the side of my neck as he looked for something deep inside of me.

 

“Jus, none of it matters to me,” he said softly.  “You’re just as beautiful now as you were the day I met you.”

 

“I was two years old, Bran.”

 

“I know.  I remember that day very well,” Bran stated.

 

“You remember when you met me?” I asked with surprise.  “I don’t remember that.”

 

“Of course I remember,” Bran confided through a poorly concealed grin.  “You hit me in the head with a wooden block.”

 

I couldn’t help but laugh.  “Well, you must have deserved it then.”

 

“Not really.  I just wanted to hug you.”

 

His response carried with it the assurance he was being truthful.  Again I looked into his eyes.  His gentle smile and genuine caring made them soft.  I felt as though I was falling into them.  Bran again tried to remove my jumpsuit, but I stopped him again.

 

“Justin,” he said with some small annoyance, “I told you it doesn’t bother me.”

 

“But it bothers me, Bran,” I replied with a whisper and gently pulled away from him to hide the tears that had filled my eyes again for the third time.  “I can’t even look at myself in the mirror.  I know you say it doesn’t matter to you, but I see something in your eyes when you look at me.  You automatically look at the scars, and that… it bothers me that I can’t be what I was.  For more than just these Go… damn marks.  My brain, too.”

 

“Now you listen to me, Justinian Thoreau,” Bran said forcefully as he tried to turn me to face him.

 

I pulled away from his hand.  “I can’t, Bran,” I said as I zipped my suit closed.

 

He wrapped his arms around me from behind.  “It’s okay, Jus.  We have a lot to adjust to.”  He turned me in his arms and held my head so I was looking at him.  “I said, ‘we,’ Jus.  Do you understand that?  Do you understand what ‘we’ means?  I’m not going to leave you.  Ever.”

 

“Don’t make promises you might not be able to keep, Bran,” I whispered sadly.

 

“I’m not,” he replied confidently.  “I know exactly what I said.  The only way I’m going to leave you is if I die.  That, Jus, is a cold, hard fact.  Accept it and move on.”

 

He released me as I pondered his words.  I was having a very hard time adjusting to the changes in my body.  The scars ran deep, and not just into my flesh.  They had devastated me emotionally as well.  I truly felt that I was no longer attractive and I didn’t understand why Bran still wanted to be with me.

 

Sudden darkness interrupted my thoughts.  I didn’t move from my place and heard Bran approaching me.  He reached out into the darkness and placed his hand on my chest.  His other hand lowered the zipper pull and then slid inside to caress my shoulder, letting the garment fall to my waist.  Bran ran his hands down my sides to reach under my shirt and slide up my body, feeling warm and soft against my skin.  He didn’t pause on the raised ridges that were my scars, but instead lifted my undershirt up and over my head, removing it.  Bran once more placed his hands on my shoulders and felt his way down my back to rest them on my waist.  He pulled me to him, pressing his lips against mine.  I felt his mouth open and I allowed his tongue to gently probe my lips, searching for an opening which I gladly gave him as our kiss gained intensity.

 

Tentatively I reached out, letting my own hands feel their way from the small of Bran’s strong back up to his shoulders.  I squeezed hard, exulting in the feel of his hard muscles contracting in response and continued to trace my way back down toward his waist, pulling him against me the whole way as if I was trying to merge my body with his.  I felt his hardness pressed to my body, increasing my lust with every heartbeat.

 

Bran’s hands moved lower, under the waistband of my briefs, and pushed them off my hips allowing my clothing to fall into a heap at my feet.  He pulled me down on top of him as we fell onto the bed, and he wrapped his legs around mine in an effort to hold me as tightly as he could.  Later, as my climax came, I no longer had any doubts that I was where I belonged: in Bran’s arms.

 

When I had recovered and my breathing was mostly back to normal, I pulled him up to me and wrapped my entire body around his, holding him to me with both arms and legs, afraid to let him go.

 

Just before I drifted off into sleep, I whispered into his ear the words I hadn’t said enough since we’d been marooned on this forsaken planet.

 

“I love you, Bran.”

 

“I know, Jus.  I love you, too.

 

I don’t know when I woke up, but I knew sleep was a lost cause.  I searched through the darkness for my clothes and crept into the living room.  As I dressed, I wondered how Bran could possibly still find me attractive.  That he loved me and wanted to stay with me was certain, but I still didn’t understand how he could look at me when I couldn’t stand to look at myself in the mirror.

 

I sat on the couch and saw the optistor Colonel Jade had delivered.  Picking it up, I idly ran my fingers over it, feeling the smooth exterior and weighing its contents in my mind.  I knew that Jade was asking me to take a critical position in his intelligence operation, but I also knew that if I took Colonel Jade up on his offer Bran most likely would not be able to join me.  That wouldn’t be too bad, but if Bran’s Ranger unit was sent out on patrol, he would be gone for weeks at a time leaving me home alone.  That would be unacceptable to both of us.  I needed Bran with me now more than ever before.  Without him I would be lost, trapped in a body that I loathed and in a mind I no longer recognized as my own. 

 

Flipping the opti over in my hands, I stared at it in the near-darkness and made a decision.  If my future was to be here on this planet, then I would live my life with Bran at my side.  I owed him that much and maybe, just maybe, I owed it to myself, too.

 

Leaning back, I tossed the optistor onto the side table and relaxed.  One way or another Bran and I would be together for the rest of our lives.  With the decision made, sleep found me again.  My dreams were peaceful.

 

Bran picked me up a short while later and carried me back into the bedroom.  Sleeping with his arms wrapped around me was a wonderful experience, but sleep was not on his mind that morning and I wouldn’t mind missing it in the slightest.